Friday, April 16, 2010
Since the birth of Luka, my son, I've had a big issue with self esteem. I love that I carried my son for nine months and that I delivered a healthy baby, but what I don't love is the fact that my body has become a big ball of saggy skin over barely toned muscle. Now I've never been the thin type but I did have some curves that I loved. Now all that is gone.
So, the issue with me was that I was feeling less than attractive and nothing seemed to cheer me up. That is until I discovered make-up.
Ah yes make-up. Some of you must think I'm being superficial or that make-up is just a cover up for imperfections, and I think you are somewhat right. The difference for me is that I'm not a big make-up wearer, never have been.
Nonetheless, as the girl that I am, I have owned a few make-up products that I applied once in a while for an outing, but now...
I've become obsessed with make-up videos on youtube. A lot of talented people like petrilude, Marlena from MakeupGeekTV, and MichellePhan among others are video sensations when it comes to the tutorials. They are good at what they do and they have inspired me to broaden my make-up knowledge.
Since then I've watched hundreds of videos, tutorials, I've searched for many products online and joined several make-up forums.
One of my favorite things to do is play one of the tutorials while I apply the make-up and try out a look. Sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I don't lol.
Now, everything is good I suppose, no harm done right?
Not! I've become so obsessed that I literally want to shop for make-up everyday! But not being impressed with drugstore brands, I like to shop at Sephora. Yes, Sephora, it's like crack, not that I would know, but I hear it's very addicting.
Sephora is filled with make-up brands of all kinds at a somewhat pricey range but the quality cannot be beat.
My favorite brand? Urban Decay of course. They have pretty shimmery high pigmented colors and fun stuff that will make anybody squeal.
I used to believe that you could only put one color of eyeshadow on your lid and that was it. Boy was I wrong, I've learned about blending, and highlighting, brushes to use to achiever that perfect smokey eye and whatnot.
Now, I'm not an expert, I'm far from it, but prettying myself up and trying on new looks has raised my self esteem tons. I just believe that even though I still look like a flappy mess, I can feel pretty by playing around with my make-up.
Tomorrow is a big day, well today actually because it's already Friday. There is a Sephora store opening at 97th and Columbus and I can't wait! I'll be sure to write about my experience and posts pics.
Bye now.
So, the issue with me was that I was feeling less than attractive and nothing seemed to cheer me up. That is until I discovered make-up.
Ah yes make-up. Some of you must think I'm being superficial or that make-up is just a cover up for imperfections, and I think you are somewhat right. The difference for me is that I'm not a big make-up wearer, never have been.
Nonetheless, as the girl that I am, I have owned a few make-up products that I applied once in a while for an outing, but now...
I've become obsessed with make-up videos on youtube. A lot of talented people like petrilude, Marlena from MakeupGeekTV, and MichellePhan among others are video sensations when it comes to the tutorials. They are good at what they do and they have inspired me to broaden my make-up knowledge.
Since then I've watched hundreds of videos, tutorials, I've searched for many products online and joined several make-up forums.
One of my favorite things to do is play one of the tutorials while I apply the make-up and try out a look. Sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I don't lol.
Now, everything is good I suppose, no harm done right?
Not! I've become so obsessed that I literally want to shop for make-up everyday! But not being impressed with drugstore brands, I like to shop at Sephora. Yes, Sephora, it's like crack, not that I would know, but I hear it's very addicting.
Sephora is filled with make-up brands of all kinds at a somewhat pricey range but the quality cannot be beat.
My favorite brand? Urban Decay of course. They have pretty shimmery high pigmented colors and fun stuff that will make anybody squeal.
I used to believe that you could only put one color of eyeshadow on your lid and that was it. Boy was I wrong, I've learned about blending, and highlighting, brushes to use to achiever that perfect smokey eye and whatnot.
Now, I'm not an expert, I'm far from it, but prettying myself up and trying on new looks has raised my self esteem tons. I just believe that even though I still look like a flappy mess, I can feel pretty by playing around with my make-up.
Tomorrow is a big day, well today actually because it's already Friday. There is a Sephora store opening at 97th and Columbus and I can't wait! I'll be sure to write about my experience and posts pics.
Bye now.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Sometimes, I'm watching a movie, or listening to an upbeat tune and it hits me.
Inspiration, it just comes.
Why?
I'm not very sure, inspiration comes spontaneously without warning. And that's when you have only a few minutes to make something of it. Let me explain.
Once inspiration hits you have to act on it, if you don't sometimes it slips away. It goes away. When it's gone, it may not come back right away. You can't will it to come back. It doesn't work that way.
Now I can prove this. Some of my writings are first drafted on pieces of scrap paper or napkins. It's just one of those things that require your all right way.
Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unlikely things such as an odd action or random words. Even memories inspire me, they inspire me to write about me, about anything and everything. Funny how it works.
So there it is.
What inspired me to write this?
I'm watching a movie, a musical nonetheless, my favorite.
Inspiration, it just comes.
Why?
I'm not very sure, inspiration comes spontaneously without warning. And that's when you have only a few minutes to make something of it. Let me explain.
Once inspiration hits you have to act on it, if you don't sometimes it slips away. It goes away. When it's gone, it may not come back right away. You can't will it to come back. It doesn't work that way.
Now I can prove this. Some of my writings are first drafted on pieces of scrap paper or napkins. It's just one of those things that require your all right way.
Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unlikely things such as an odd action or random words. Even memories inspire me, they inspire me to write about me, about anything and everything. Funny how it works.
So there it is.
What inspired me to write this?
I'm watching a movie, a musical nonetheless, my favorite.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Well the time has come. Luka is almost six months.
Yeah, I know, six months is a big milestone to reach, but that's not the only thing that has come. The time has come for me to redirect my life.
When I was pregnant I decided that I would be a stay at home mom for at least six months to give proper care for him. I wanted him to have his mommy all for himself.
Well now I'm beginning my search for a job and I'm also thinking about going back to school.
What brought this on?
Well.....
I love my mother, I loved and still love my grandmother and all the people who have raised me but so far none of them have further education beyond high school.
I've seen my mother struggle to find her place in a company where they use you up and spit you up once you're no use to them. Now she's forty something and she thinks she's too old for anything.
Could a college degree help? Well I think so.
I know I am my mom's most precious thing along with my two other sisters, and I know that she chose me instead of pursuing her life when she found out she was pregnant at 18. Yet, I know that she would have wanted to do more with her life.
I don't want to be forty something and wonder why in the world I didn't do anything else.
So, the search has begun. I am signing myself up for next fall semester and I pray that I can find a job that will meet both my salary and time requirements.
Then one day when Luka and my other future children are grown, they can look at me and use me as an example of what they should do with their own lives.
That is all, bye bye. :)
Yeah, I know, six months is a big milestone to reach, but that's not the only thing that has come. The time has come for me to redirect my life.
When I was pregnant I decided that I would be a stay at home mom for at least six months to give proper care for him. I wanted him to have his mommy all for himself.
Well now I'm beginning my search for a job and I'm also thinking about going back to school.
What brought this on?
Well.....
I love my mother, I loved and still love my grandmother and all the people who have raised me but so far none of them have further education beyond high school.
I've seen my mother struggle to find her place in a company where they use you up and spit you up once you're no use to them. Now she's forty something and she thinks she's too old for anything.
Could a college degree help? Well I think so.
I know I am my mom's most precious thing along with my two other sisters, and I know that she chose me instead of pursuing her life when she found out she was pregnant at 18. Yet, I know that she would have wanted to do more with her life.
I don't want to be forty something and wonder why in the world I didn't do anything else.
So, the search has begun. I am signing myself up for next fall semester and I pray that I can find a job that will meet both my salary and time requirements.
Then one day when Luka and my other future children are grown, they can look at me and use me as an example of what they should do with their own lives.
That is all, bye bye. :)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A few years ago I had a very strange dream. I was dreaming about Peru. Some mornings back home, I would wake up to the smell of smoke, this usually meant that either my grandma or some neighbor had a cooking fire on. I didn't really mind the smell but it woke me up nonetheless. So I was dreaming about this, yet my head told me that it wasn't dream, my nose was actually smelling smoke. I also started hearing pounding on my door and window. Little by little I started to wake up and realized that the smell was very real and the sounds too.
Everything happened very fast, one moment I heard my father in law banging loudly at our door screaming for us to come out, then I felt Ronald's hand around mine dragging me half naked outside the house. I then found myself wrapped in my bed covers wearing only pj's and socks half freezing in the chilly near-winter season.
Firefighters came quickly. Neighbors were crying, I was still partly thinking it was a dream. Where was the fire though? I remember seeing smoke, but no fire, was it in my upstairs neighbor's apartment? Was that the reason they were crying? And why were the firemen climbing tall ladders to get to our roof?
I don't know how long I was there, but it all seemed to happen rather quickly. Patrick was scared, he was very small then. Ronald kept telling me it was alright. I think he even went back inside to check after he had pulled me out. Now that I think of it, that was really stupid of him.
After we were allowed to go back inside, we all started to tell our stories to put the puzzle pieces together and make sense of the events.
Turns out there was no fire. It also turns out, that the whole thing happened in our apartment. Apparently, our oven was turned on and that's what caused the smoke out. How? Well my mother uses the oven as storage and she puts her pans in there. What she also keeps in there is her big wooden cutting board. When the oven was left on it started heating up the big wooden block and that's what caused the smoke. It had been going on for a few hours. Why didn't we notice? Well Ronald and his dad work in a bakery and they come home after midnight if not later. They go to sleep rather late and wake up after 10 a.m. or so. Our schedules are messed up like that. My mother in law had gone to work and the only person home was Patrick. He was watching tv in the living room without a clue of what was happening in the kitchen.
Our room is all the way in the back of the apartment, past the kitchen in fact. We have a emergency ladder which my neighbors used to knock on our window since nobody would answer the door. When Ronald woke up and opened the door to see why his dad was yelling, he saw that the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. His dad was already outside with Patrick. He yanked me out of the bed, ducked me as low as he could and pulled (or shoved) me through the kitchen and out the door.
Ah, now I remember, he went back for the covers because I was freezing cold. He wasn't stupid, he was being thoughtful (still stupid but I forgive him.)
When his mom got home we asked her why she had left the oven on. Was she going to cook something and forgot? Was she trying to kill her family and start over? (I still tease my boyfriend about this last part)
She says she didn't do it, and that it must have done on its own. We will never know what really happened, but I sure will never forget that day.
Everything happened very fast, one moment I heard my father in law banging loudly at our door screaming for us to come out, then I felt Ronald's hand around mine dragging me half naked outside the house. I then found myself wrapped in my bed covers wearing only pj's and socks half freezing in the chilly near-winter season.
Firefighters came quickly. Neighbors were crying, I was still partly thinking it was a dream. Where was the fire though? I remember seeing smoke, but no fire, was it in my upstairs neighbor's apartment? Was that the reason they were crying? And why were the firemen climbing tall ladders to get to our roof?
I don't know how long I was there, but it all seemed to happen rather quickly. Patrick was scared, he was very small then. Ronald kept telling me it was alright. I think he even went back inside to check after he had pulled me out. Now that I think of it, that was really stupid of him.
After we were allowed to go back inside, we all started to tell our stories to put the puzzle pieces together and make sense of the events.
Turns out there was no fire. It also turns out, that the whole thing happened in our apartment. Apparently, our oven was turned on and that's what caused the smoke out. How? Well my mother uses the oven as storage and she puts her pans in there. What she also keeps in there is her big wooden cutting board. When the oven was left on it started heating up the big wooden block and that's what caused the smoke. It had been going on for a few hours. Why didn't we notice? Well Ronald and his dad work in a bakery and they come home after midnight if not later. They go to sleep rather late and wake up after 10 a.m. or so. Our schedules are messed up like that. My mother in law had gone to work and the only person home was Patrick. He was watching tv in the living room without a clue of what was happening in the kitchen.
Our room is all the way in the back of the apartment, past the kitchen in fact. We have a emergency ladder which my neighbors used to knock on our window since nobody would answer the door. When Ronald woke up and opened the door to see why his dad was yelling, he saw that the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. His dad was already outside with Patrick. He yanked me out of the bed, ducked me as low as he could and pulled (or shoved) me through the kitchen and out the door.
Ah, now I remember, he went back for the covers because I was freezing cold. He wasn't stupid, he was being thoughtful (still stupid but I forgive him.)
When his mom got home we asked her why she had left the oven on. Was she going to cook something and forgot? Was she trying to kill her family and start over? (I still tease my boyfriend about this last part)
She says she didn't do it, and that it must have done on its own. We will never know what really happened, but I sure will never forget that day.
Friday, December 11, 2009
It's that time again, the Christmas season. How wonderful! Right?
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
Monday, November 16, 2009
There is a theory in greek mythology that talks about the "primeval man."
This creature had four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces.
It is said that Zeus was jealous of this creature so he cut them it half and separated the two halves by putting them in opposite sides of the world. For centuries the new creatures have looked and looked for their other halves in hopes that they once again will become whole.
That is what I define as "looking for your soul mate."
I think I found mine hence why I'm writing this. I found a man a few years ago who may very well be my other half. He is the total opposite of me, he is everything I am not, exactly what I've been looking for. He completes me. Yes, yes, I know it sounds corny, but heck, I cannot tell a lie.
Therefore, I will list the ways "my other half" makes me happy.
-He is always looking to please me, whether it's letting me win an argument or buying that special thing I've been wanting for months.
-He always tells me he loves me, even if it's the 100th time in a day.
-He promises me the world and he always keeps his promises.
-He makes sacrifices for me even if it costs him more than what he bargains for.
-He is a great father, need I said more?
-When he looks into my eyes, I can see right into his heart.
-We can talk about anything and everything. (This will come in handy when we're old.)
-When I'm around him I feel safe.
-He is my best friend. How lucky can a girl get!
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I know I promised him I would blog about him some day and no I didn't do this to make him feel happy. I did this because I am proud of him and I want the world to know it.
I love you Poochi!
This creature had four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces.
It is said that Zeus was jealous of this creature so he cut them it half and separated the two halves by putting them in opposite sides of the world. For centuries the new creatures have looked and looked for their other halves in hopes that they once again will become whole.
That is what I define as "looking for your soul mate."
I think I found mine hence why I'm writing this. I found a man a few years ago who may very well be my other half. He is the total opposite of me, he is everything I am not, exactly what I've been looking for. He completes me. Yes, yes, I know it sounds corny, but heck, I cannot tell a lie.
Therefore, I will list the ways "my other half" makes me happy.
-He is always looking to please me, whether it's letting me win an argument or buying that special thing I've been wanting for months.
-He always tells me he loves me, even if it's the 100th time in a day.
-He promises me the world and he always keeps his promises.
-He makes sacrifices for me even if it costs him more than what he bargains for.
-He is a great father, need I said more?
-When he looks into my eyes, I can see right into his heart.
-We can talk about anything and everything. (This will come in handy when we're old.)
-When I'm around him I feel safe.
-He is my best friend. How lucky can a girl get!
I could go on and on, but you get the point. I know I promised him I would blog about him some day and no I didn't do this to make him feel happy. I did this because I am proud of him and I want the world to know it.
I love you Poochi!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Oh my, here I go with the ranting.
I was at the hospital the other day because Ronald had a minor back injury at work. We went about the regular routine of signing in, getting his vitals and then seeing the doctor. Afterward, we were waiting for him to be called up and get his flu shots done and do some blood-work. All was fine until the very end when we were about to leave. This lady stops me on my way out and she compliments my baby. She says "How cute, he is adorable!"
I don't mean to brag but I have to admit that I'm pretty used to comments like that. My baby is heck too adorable!
I smiled at her and thanked her, as I was about to attempt to leave again she asked me "How old is he?" "Three months" I replied. She then completely changed her happy expression and said "You need to take care of him you know?"
What?
"I do take care of him" I said.
"You shouldn't feed him too much"
Double what??
"I'm not!" I replied.
Now before you start telling me I overreacted, I just want to point out that it was not only what she said, but how she said it. In those short sentences she practically accused me of neglect and putting my baby in the path of obesity!
I know she wanted to say more, but I simply thanked her again and moved on. I know that if she had continued to pursue the conversation I would have snapped at her and would have probably given her a speech on how my baby is breastfed and he gets the right amount of food he needs.
Now, please understand that I have nothing against formula fed babies, I just consider myself lucky to have such wonderful partner who is working non-stop so that I don't have to and just dedicate myself to my baby. There is nothing stopping me and I have full support of friends, family and doctor.
That being said, I know enough to understand how breastfed babies are supposed to look like. Plump, chubby, and round. They're adorable. No, I'm not overfeeding him, he gets what he needs, and if he needs more he'll work for it and have some more.
Anyway, my rant is over now, I just wish this lady took her own advise and looked at herself in the mirror before judging my perfectly michellin baby, she wasn't exactly miss universe if you know what I mean.
I was at the hospital the other day because Ronald had a minor back injury at work. We went about the regular routine of signing in, getting his vitals and then seeing the doctor. Afterward, we were waiting for him to be called up and get his flu shots done and do some blood-work. All was fine until the very end when we were about to leave. This lady stops me on my way out and she compliments my baby. She says "How cute, he is adorable!"
I don't mean to brag but I have to admit that I'm pretty used to comments like that. My baby is heck too adorable!
I smiled at her and thanked her, as I was about to attempt to leave again she asked me "How old is he?" "Three months" I replied. She then completely changed her happy expression and said "You need to take care of him you know?"
What?
"I do take care of him" I said.
"You shouldn't feed him too much"
Double what??
"I'm not!" I replied.
Now before you start telling me I overreacted, I just want to point out that it was not only what she said, but how she said it. In those short sentences she practically accused me of neglect and putting my baby in the path of obesity!
I know she wanted to say more, but I simply thanked her again and moved on. I know that if she had continued to pursue the conversation I would have snapped at her and would have probably given her a speech on how my baby is breastfed and he gets the right amount of food he needs.
Now, please understand that I have nothing against formula fed babies, I just consider myself lucky to have such wonderful partner who is working non-stop so that I don't have to and just dedicate myself to my baby. There is nothing stopping me and I have full support of friends, family and doctor.
That being said, I know enough to understand how breastfed babies are supposed to look like. Plump, chubby, and round. They're adorable. No, I'm not overfeeding him, he gets what he needs, and if he needs more he'll work for it and have some more.
Anyway, my rant is over now, I just wish this lady took her own advise and looked at herself in the mirror before judging my perfectly michellin baby, she wasn't exactly miss universe if you know what I mean.
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