Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

This is a path I've walked before and the way I see it, I can either avoid it or walk down it again with the knowledge I got from my previous voyage.
I'm not looking forward to it, there was too much sulking and tears the first time around.

*Sigh*
I don't know how to avoid it, I feel it coming and I make no efforts to stop it, I just can't.
I remember death, and separation. I remember poverty, and innocence being lost.
They are lurking in the back of my mind, they want to take center stage.
I very subtly push them back but eventually they're bound to come out.

I distract myself with everything I can. I dance, I write, I become an artistic goddess, but to no avail. I can't stop thinking of how miserable I'm starting to feel.
I feel sorry for myself, for the things I haven't had a chance of achieving. I feel like at 26 my life is over.
Maybe I'm dying?

Sometimes I feel like I am. I'm not sick no, I just feel like life is escaping me.

I don't know, I really don't know. I'm just sad.
I am very sad, and I know where this is heading.
I don't want to be sad, I am scared.

I am all for quality.
Fine materials, durability, the feel, the look. I want it all.
Yes, all those things cost money and yes most of us, including myself, can't afford them all the time.
Once in a while though, we need to invest in some quality.

Look at it this way, an eyeliner.
You can get many types of eyeliner starting at $1.
The cheapest one will not necessarily be bad, but I wouldn't trust it to be durable.
Then there's my favorite eyeliner; Urban Decay's 24/7 eyeliner.
They will set you back $18 a piece, crazy I know!
I almost had a heart attack when after trying on this amazing product I saw the price.
$18? Are you serious? Who in their right mind would pay so much for an eyeliner?
Me, that's who, and I can't say I regret because it was that purchase that led me to understand when it's ok to splurge on some items.
This $18 eyeliner has lasted so long. I've used it almost every time I've done my make-up and it's still pretty long. I've only sharpened it four times.
How? Well let's get into the specs.
It's very smooth when applied, the liner just glides on.
The pigmentation is amazing, one pass through your eye and it's enough to get a nice black solid line.
It's also waterproof, hence the 24/7 claim.
You do not need to reapply it so you don't use as much product, that's why it last so long.
So in conclusion, I much rather buy an $18 eyeliner that is going to last me forever and look amazing rather than get 18 $1 eyeliners that are going to take too much effort to apply, not lat long and in the end waste product.

Another example would be clothing.
I live by Fordham Rd. and anybody who knows anything about cheap clothing knows that this is the place to go if you're looking for bargain piece.
The downside is, there isn't much quality.
The fabric on some of these pieces is somewhat thin, the stitching isn't that great, and the colors sometimes fade after a few washes.
Please don't get me wrong, not everything found here is bad. I myself have found some good sturdy pieces that I've had for years, but this is not always the case.
So should you not shop here?
No!
Just understand that buying a $2 top will most likely not last you months and months as would a more expensive alternative would.
Now I'm not saying that everything that costs more will last you longer.
I just believe that higher end brands do take pride in the quality they offer their customer and they actually take the time to find the best materials to create these pieces.

One last example would be purses.
I've always been a fan of the handbags. My favorite ones were from Victoria's Secret. I would wait and wait until their semi-annual sale and stock up on two or three handbags to use during the year.
Their bags are of nice quality, usually they are under the $40 mark and they come with goodies inside.
I never really did care for the lotion and mists included, but the bag, their designs are to die for. I love them!
Sadly, they do not last forever, and once the year has passed my bags are all but falling apart.
I do want to say though, I use these bags on a daily basis, they've seen the floor of every corner of my room, they been hung by one handled, thrown over the bed, sat on, punched, flung around, you name it!
Lately though, I've started to appreciate another brand such as Coach.
They are designer bags but the price-tag will not make you go bankrupt.
It's a more affordable way to sport some fancy purse that actually looks and feels good.
So far I own two but I did not pay full retail price for either of them.
Thankfully some friends of mine who take good care of their bags decided to resell their bags.
Well one person did, but one of the bags went to someone else before getting to me.
Regardless of that, the bags are of top quality, they may be pre-owned but you could not tell just by looking at them.
I think the combination of very careful handling by their previous owners, and the way these bags were made makes them age beautifully.
Granted, they aren't that old, but I can see the quality oozing out of them.
The stitching is sturdy and impeccable, the design is modern yet sophisticated.
There's so much more I could say about them but the point of this is to let you know that sometimes is a good idea to invest in quality.
I can't stress this enough though; Higher price doesn't always mean best quality and neither does low price mean bad quality.
If you like something and you know the quality is amazing then get it.
If it happens to be affordable then good for you!
If it happens to be a bit pricey then splurge a little. It will be worth it in the long run. You won't have to purchase a replacement so soon and that means more savings for you.

To conclude my very long speech, I want to say this. Yes, I like to buy higher end brands, no I'm not being a snob by doing so. I just rather have finer quality that will last me years to come than save a few bucks here and there for crappy things.

If I had 3k-5k to spend on a Louis Vuitton I so would. I wouldn't even think about it.
Sadly I can't afford it, but this would be a great example of where quality meets ridiculously pricing. Is it worth it?
Hellz Yeah!
Is it pricey?
Hellz Yeah!

In the end, you decide what's worth splurging on or not.

Yes, I cried. I'm still trying to figure out why.
Maybe it had something to do with Osama Bin Laden's death.
No, I'm not sorry he died, I'm not glad either, I just got sad for what his death represented; more death!

How do things change?
Is the war over then?
Was this just about closure?

When I found out he died I was very quickly taken back in time, back to 2001.
I was woken rather violently.
"Nachi! Look at the television, look!"
I managed to look at the TV and I saw it, my home, my city, my country getting hurt.
I couldn't believe it, I thought I was still dreaming, this could not be happening.
I won't try to take you down that path right now, we all know what I saw, but how I felt back then, the emptiness, the rage, the sorrow, it all came back to me.
So I cried.
I mourned the dead once more and I just couldn't help the tears from coming.
Because no matter how many more die, it's still not over, we are still losing our own people to a mindless war that I still can't comprehend.
Granted, I am not at all familiar why this is still going on, but war is war, and no matter how I look at it, it's still wrong.

Anyway, this man is now dead, shall we move on now? Are we safe now?
Ronald had a request for me today.
"Please don't ride the subway this week."
I hadn't thought of that, should I be worried?
Is the other side going to want to attack us now?

It never ends does it?

Death does not come for me.
It sees me suffer, yet it does not care.
It would be so easy, to die, to not exist.
Death does not care, it mocks me.

Just the other day someone died right next to me.
Me? No, it mocks me. Death does not care.
I suffered, I pained, death eludes me.
My heart is ripped opened, I bleed, but not to death.
I fall into the blackness, it never ends, it never ends.
I fall but I don't care, I want to fall, I want to die.
Death does not care for my tears, it doesn't care for my pain, it mocks me.

Death does not care, it kills all around me,
death kills all around me and watches me bleed.
Depression, agony, perversion.
Death does not want me. I am nothing and it does not want me.
I've been chewed up and spit out, I have nothing.
My hands are empty, I reach but they are empty.
I burn from the inside, such a pain I've endured yet death does not pity me.
She laughs, she points, she smirks but she does not take me.
Take me, please take me, I beg you!
She laughs.
Death does not take me.

(Before anyone gets antsy, this is just a poem. I remembered something from my past and I got inspired, I am alright, I promise.)

Well, where do I start?
First of all the passports, they're done and the date has been set. We should be getting the passports in a month or so.
Why the passports? Well, we're traveling to Peru in the summer.
Baby and I are going to visit our family.
It's been so long since I was last there, 2006 to be exact. Things have changed so much and I'm a ball of nerves just thinking about it.
I mean, I get to see my mother and my sisters, that never changes, but I have more family now, my cousins both have children as well.
I've changed so much, I'm older, I think differently, I feel different. I'm less tolerant of B.S., so so much has changed.
There's also the fact that Luka has never been there. I don't know how he'll react to his first time on a plane, or how he'll feel when all of these strangers come towards him with loving embraces. Will he reject them? Will they feel offended?
I hope not.
There's is also the matter of Ronald's family, they are so big in numbers. We have to go see them too. Now everyone knows I'm not too fond of his mother's side, but his father's side are pretty cool.

Then there is the pain that always comes when I think of Peru.
My grandmother isn't there anymore.
No matter how many years go by, Peru just feels empty without her.
I have this fear of going to my house and looking at that front doorstep and crumble down in tears.
She's not there, and it's such a bittersweet feeling. Seeing my family, but it's not complete. She's gone.

Anyway, I guess there's still time to process everything, there's still time to get things together and give myself a chance to be prepared.
KK then, bye...

Well, let's start this off by saying that I will not talk about breastfeeding.
Well I might include something related to it, but it's ok, it's my blog. XD

Since I started to get to know makeup brands and started writing my beauty blog and whatnot, I made it a point to be able to recognize things right from the get go.
I can pretty much spot a fake once I get an initial look.
Then I started researching designer bags, not that I can afford a Louis Vuitton per say, but a girl can dream can't she?
Recently though, thanks to a very good facebook friend named Vienna, I was introduced to a brand called Coach.
It is a designer brand at an affordable price. I like how they look and how they feel and if you save up a little you can rack up a pretty collection in no time.
The downside to everything pretty and chic is that there will fakes out there. In lieu of this, I started to investigate how to spot a fake Coach bag. I was pretty surprised with the amount of information I found and by now I consider myself a connoisseur.

So why am I rambling on and on about this and that? Well I went on some Spanish forums, namely some from Peru and I saw people offering these extremely cheaply made fakes for sale. Now it would all be somewhat ok if they weren't offering them for crazy prices! They are practically selling them for about 60% of what an original would cost you. I felt outraged, I mean come on! Why, why would you rip people off like that.
Worse part is, the buyers believe it so much, they go on these forums and purchase those bags. So sad!
Same thing goes with the makeup, I saw some rolls of makeup brushes with about 15 brushes included and some cream shadow palettes from MAC.
O.M.G!

Anyway, moving on, I know I said I wouldn't talk about breastfeeding, but it's part of my life. The latest?
This blog post:
http://blog.theicecreamists.com/2011/03/262/
These people made some ice cream flavor called "Baby Gaga", guess whose milk they used? Human breastmilk!
I have to admit, I'm pretty skeptical to try someone else's boobie milk, but it makes sense! We drink cow milk, and cow milk is essentially breastmilk.
So why not consume something that was meant for us in the first place?
I agree with everything said in that post and I want to point fingers at the nay sayers for talking such nonsense and wanting this flavor to be banned.
How hypocritical can you be? You are willing to drink cow's milk, meant for a calf, but you won't consume human breastmilk because it came from a woman?

Me? I don't really drink any type of milk so I have an excuse to not try this flavor, not saying I won't, but I have my reasons, I don't really like milk. I do like ice cream though, so we'll see.

That's what Ronald calls me, the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding.
Let's rewind a little.
I have many passions, I love to dance, I like how it's so much fun and such a nice workout. I also love to read, I can become engrossed in a book so much so that hours seem to turn into minutes and before I know I've skipped both lunch and dinner.
I also love parenting, yeah, I love being a parent. I love knowing that I am molding a person, teaching him to be the best they can be, giving him values that he will carry for the rest of his life.
So with that kind of responsibility comes tough choices.
Crib or co-sleeping
breast or formula
home cooked or jarred food
private or public school
You get the picture, the list goes on and on and only you have the kind of power to make those decisions.

I chose to breastfeed my child, mainly because that's the only thing I knew. Where I come from, breastfeeding is the norm. It's as normal as using a spoon to eat soup or as normal as using your eyes to see. It's just the way it is. Formula is left for the mothers who truly, honest to God cannot breastfeed for health issues, orphans maybe, or for the wealthy kind who can actually afford it. The rest breastfeed because it's healthier and because their mothers taught them that it is the way to feed an infant.
So, I grew up with that, I saw my mother breastfeed my sisters, I saw it on the park when my neighbors went out, even saw it on the bus when strangers had no problem pulling up their breasts from out of their shirt and feed their child.
Nobody found it appalling, or disgusting, there wasn't a single person with a look of disgust or amazement. Yeah there were pervs who looked twice, but those same people would look at a young girl wearing tight pants if she was nearby.
My point is, I was brought up around this, this is what I wanted to do with my child and after gathering enough information about the benefits to both him and I, it seemed like the right choice.
So I breastfed, he grew so much so quickly. He is a healthy 19 month old who is smart in every way. Could he have been as smart had he not breastfed? Probably, but I was not willing to find out. I gave him the best and the best made him who he is.

So what's up with the title of this post? Well, even though Ronald is pro-me-breastfeeding, he could care less what others do with their children. Nonetheless, he sees me everyday checking blogs, going on facebook pages that talk about breastfeeding, preparing myself with witty comments to shoot back at people who make mean ones. He's seen it all coming from me, and he's also seen how passionate I am about this. Not only is he thrilled how big and beautiful has his son turned out to be, but he sees what it does to me. The weight loss, AMAZING!
He knows the benefits, but he would never become an advocate, he would never go out there and spread the word. I, on the other hand would. I do it all the time with family members and friends. Yeah they hear me, yes they agree to the benefits but sometimes I see that look on their face, the "When are you shutting up" look.
I think I push it too much but how can I not? Baby's lives are at steak! I'm not sure I can say it another way without getting into an argument about it, but, breast is the best possible thing you can give your child.
I'm not saying that formula is bad, no no no.
I look at it this way: If you had a healthy meal full of veggies and yummy nutritious things on one plate, and a not so healthy meal full of deep friend stuff with not so many nutritious things on another plate, which one would you eat? I mean both things are going to fill your tummy and yes you might get some of the good stuff from the deep fried ensemble, but you know deep down in your heart that the best possible option is the first one.
We as adults don't make the right choices when it comes to our bodies, but if the option to feed our babies lie between pure, healthy breastmilk and artificial milk that is constantly reformulated to imitate the real thing?
I think the answer is obvious, but for whatever reason we do not see that.

To end this long rant I want to say this, how you raise your kids is your business, you and only you have the right to decide how you're going to mold your kid.
All I want you to do is to truly make an informed decision, be it what you feed him/her or where they're going to sleep. You must investigate both sides before you choose, and if someone offers advise, do not turn them down from the get go just because you already choose. Information comes in different forms, and our friends and family sometimes can offer the best advise.
I got soooo much unwanted advice while pregnant and just after my baby was born. I didn't like most of it but I still took the time to listen because all of that time was a learning time for me. I wanted to know it all and take the best advise to heart and the bad advise as things I would never do.

So why does Ronald call me the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding? He says that I remind him of her, if I needed to sit on the bus and not get up until police to get me to actually make the world understand how important this issue is, I totally would have done it right there with Rosa Parks encouraging me.


XD