Wednesday, December 30, 2009
A few years ago I had a very strange dream. I was dreaming about Peru. Some mornings back home, I would wake up to the smell of smoke, this usually meant that either my grandma or some neighbor had a cooking fire on. I didn't really mind the smell but it woke me up nonetheless. So I was dreaming about this, yet my head told me that it wasn't dream, my nose was actually smelling smoke. I also started hearing pounding on my door and window. Little by little I started to wake up and realized that the smell was very real and the sounds too.
Everything happened very fast, one moment I heard my father in law banging loudly at our door screaming for us to come out, then I felt Ronald's hand around mine dragging me half naked outside the house. I then found myself wrapped in my bed covers wearing only pj's and socks half freezing in the chilly near-winter season.
Firefighters came quickly. Neighbors were crying, I was still partly thinking it was a dream. Where was the fire though? I remember seeing smoke, but no fire, was it in my upstairs neighbor's apartment? Was that the reason they were crying? And why were the firemen climbing tall ladders to get to our roof?
I don't know how long I was there, but it all seemed to happen rather quickly. Patrick was scared, he was very small then. Ronald kept telling me it was alright. I think he even went back inside to check after he had pulled me out. Now that I think of it, that was really stupid of him.
After we were allowed to go back inside, we all started to tell our stories to put the puzzle pieces together and make sense of the events.
Turns out there was no fire. It also turns out, that the whole thing happened in our apartment. Apparently, our oven was turned on and that's what caused the smoke out. How? Well my mother uses the oven as storage and she puts her pans in there. What she also keeps in there is her big wooden cutting board. When the oven was left on it started heating up the big wooden block and that's what caused the smoke. It had been going on for a few hours. Why didn't we notice? Well Ronald and his dad work in a bakery and they come home after midnight if not later. They go to sleep rather late and wake up after 10 a.m. or so. Our schedules are messed up like that. My mother in law had gone to work and the only person home was Patrick. He was watching tv in the living room without a clue of what was happening in the kitchen.
Our room is all the way in the back of the apartment, past the kitchen in fact. We have a emergency ladder which my neighbors used to knock on our window since nobody would answer the door. When Ronald woke up and opened the door to see why his dad was yelling, he saw that the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. His dad was already outside with Patrick. He yanked me out of the bed, ducked me as low as he could and pulled (or shoved) me through the kitchen and out the door.
Ah, now I remember, he went back for the covers because I was freezing cold. He wasn't stupid, he was being thoughtful (still stupid but I forgive him.)
When his mom got home we asked her why she had left the oven on. Was she going to cook something and forgot? Was she trying to kill her family and start over? (I still tease my boyfriend about this last part)
She says she didn't do it, and that it must have done on its own. We will never know what really happened, but I sure will never forget that day.
Everything happened very fast, one moment I heard my father in law banging loudly at our door screaming for us to come out, then I felt Ronald's hand around mine dragging me half naked outside the house. I then found myself wrapped in my bed covers wearing only pj's and socks half freezing in the chilly near-winter season.
Firefighters came quickly. Neighbors were crying, I was still partly thinking it was a dream. Where was the fire though? I remember seeing smoke, but no fire, was it in my upstairs neighbor's apartment? Was that the reason they were crying? And why were the firemen climbing tall ladders to get to our roof?
I don't know how long I was there, but it all seemed to happen rather quickly. Patrick was scared, he was very small then. Ronald kept telling me it was alright. I think he even went back inside to check after he had pulled me out. Now that I think of it, that was really stupid of him.
After we were allowed to go back inside, we all started to tell our stories to put the puzzle pieces together and make sense of the events.
Turns out there was no fire. It also turns out, that the whole thing happened in our apartment. Apparently, our oven was turned on and that's what caused the smoke out. How? Well my mother uses the oven as storage and she puts her pans in there. What she also keeps in there is her big wooden cutting board. When the oven was left on it started heating up the big wooden block and that's what caused the smoke. It had been going on for a few hours. Why didn't we notice? Well Ronald and his dad work in a bakery and they come home after midnight if not later. They go to sleep rather late and wake up after 10 a.m. or so. Our schedules are messed up like that. My mother in law had gone to work and the only person home was Patrick. He was watching tv in the living room without a clue of what was happening in the kitchen.
Our room is all the way in the back of the apartment, past the kitchen in fact. We have a emergency ladder which my neighbors used to knock on our window since nobody would answer the door. When Ronald woke up and opened the door to see why his dad was yelling, he saw that the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. His dad was already outside with Patrick. He yanked me out of the bed, ducked me as low as he could and pulled (or shoved) me through the kitchen and out the door.
Ah, now I remember, he went back for the covers because I was freezing cold. He wasn't stupid, he was being thoughtful (still stupid but I forgive him.)
When his mom got home we asked her why she had left the oven on. Was she going to cook something and forgot? Was she trying to kill her family and start over? (I still tease my boyfriend about this last part)
She says she didn't do it, and that it must have done on its own. We will never know what really happened, but I sure will never forget that day.
Friday, December 11, 2009
It's that time again, the Christmas season. How wonderful! Right?
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
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