Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

"Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes"

Yes, you read right. We proposed!
Wait, what?

Our relationship has never been a traditional one. As soon as we met we were together, and just short after we decided to move in together.
We've been together for seven years now and marriage seems like a formality.
We love each other and we want to be together until life decides we've had enough.
But, in my heart, I'm still just a girl who has had from time to time the illusion of a wedding, walking down the isle until I see him, my true love.
Then we look into each other's eyes and swear to be together until the end of time.

So, it was natural that when the moment came, we would decided together how we were going to do this. We talk about everything and the subject came up.
I said "I think we should get married already, there is no point in waiting really"
He looked skeptical, what was the point?
It's not like we were single, we belong to each other.
We have a son together and we plan to raise him and all the others to come together.

Still, he said "we'll see ok, we need to figure out when to get the ring. Do I get a ring too or just you?"
I laughed at this, I think he as confusing wedding bands with engagement rings. I wanted both.
We kept talking about it and he said that maybe we could go out and look for a ring on black Friday. I told him he was insane, black Friday is not the time to search for a wedding ring unless you already know what you want.
I said no.
"Let's go today."
"No!"
"It's the perfect time," I said.
*silence*
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Ok, let's do it, let's go get you a ring."
I couldn't believe it!
"Are you sure, right now?"
"Yes, right now, you're right, let's just do it, let's go."

And on we went to pick out a ring. A beautiful simple, dainty diamond ring.
I always envisioned a pink diamond but I'm sure those cost a fortune and I know that another type of rock would not do it for him.
So we got a diamond.
When we made the purchase, we looked at each other and just stared.
I was looking at the person whose eyes said everything.
His eyes were shouting I love yous and I'm happy.
I wanted to cry, but I kept my composure.

No, he didn't kneel down on one knee, and no, he didn't utter those famous "Will you marry me?" words either.
We just looked at each other and everything that needed to be said was said.
Everything felt right, I felt like a future princess bride and he was my prince.
He's always been my prince.

Now, we won't be having a big wedding, there will not be a reception. Nothing out of the ordinary really.
This is for us, just a small reunion with a couple of my friends and our family.

I don't have pictures of the ring at the moment, they are holding it to be re-sized for me. As soon as I get it back I'll post picture of it. It's gorgeouful!

Well, that's my love story.
A story that started with complete strangers falling in love and is leading to the happiest day of our lives (besides the birth of our son).

:D

Notice how I worded the title?

I'm sure everyone has their stories.
Some were horrified, some were baffled, some like me, were heartbroken.

About a week ago I started seeing the pictures of the event, stories re-surfaced and stories were shared.
It's not about being sadistic or just trying to open closed wounds. It's about understanding how far we as a society, as a country have come.

I am Peruvian by birth, but everyone knows that the US is my second motherland. Sort of like my mom and my stepmom. I love them both, but they both have their own place in my heart.
In 2001 I was in Peru with my mother. I had been there for two years already.
My mother frantically woke me up very early in the morning demanding that I check the news.
Slightly annoyed I got up and watched.
My heart sank.

At first I thought I was watching a movie, you know one of those war movies where the director has visions of destroying NYC?
I changed the channel, same picture, I changed it again, but the picture on the screen didn't change.
One of the towers was on fire...
I demanded an explanation, what was going on?
My family informed me that a plane had accidentally crashed.
Then it happened, another plane hit.
I couldn't bare it, I felt the room spinning, the hair on my arms stood up like thorns. My body ached.

Still groggy I was trying to make sense of it all, why were planes crashing?
You must understand, the news we get in Peru aren't the same as we get here in the US. We didn't have the full story.
After a while of watching the horrific sight I came to an alarming realization.
My family.
My stepmom, brothers, sister...
I wanted to call them but I had no money. I cried so much not knowing.
Were they safe?
I knew that they didn't live close by, but NYC is a place to visit, what if they had decided to visit the city that same day.
All of these thoughts crossed my mind and I was going insane.
I finally found a way to call, but the calls were not going through. There was an emergency number to call but all I got was answering machines.

On top of that worry, I was also experiencing physical pain. My country was hurting and there was nothing I could do about it.
This is one of those situations where you think "Gosh I was I was there!"
I wanted to take a plane, I wanted to go there and help.
At sixteen years old I was ready to come and defend my country.
I know it sounds silly, but there was so much frustration. All I could was cry.

Then next few months were bad.
I did finally managed to get a hold of family, they were all fine.
The thing is, nothing was the same.
I felt hollow, I felt hurt.
Every time the news showed the plane crashing on the towers I had to leave the room.
People were obsessed!

Now, ten years later, it still hurts.
Images bring back memories.
Seeing pictures of the burning towers, people jumping, people running, dead.
It's heartbreaking, our country was broken.
I think now we've healed, but the scars still show.
It is today, ten years later that I realize that even though all of the changes to security do not suit us as well as we'd like to, they are precautions.
Better safe than sorry right?

I wish that we never have to go through something like that again.
I hope that the war end, it's not over yet right?
I hope with all of my heart that the human race learns to have a little more compassion, a little more heart, a little more respect for other human beings.

I'm not sure where I wanted to get with this post, I just felt the need to express how I felt then and how I feel now.
Thanks for reading, it means a lot to me.
Stay safe everyone, always.

If you were to randomly come visit us without warning and see my two year old just being himself, you would be horrified!

He would be either dripping wet from his hair, have a big stain on his shirt, or have something mushy around his hands and feet.
Worse case scenario, he would have all three of those things going on at the same time.

No, I am not neglecting my child, yes he does take baths and no I am not spoiling him.
I just let him be messy.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen those mothers either in the park or in their homes (my family) obsessing about their kids getting dirty. I understand that people don't like to see their kids dirty, but think about this, at the end of the day, do they really remain clean? Most likely your answer will be no.
Kids have this amazing ability of getting dirty no matter what you do. They grab things they aren't supposed and stick them in places you wouldn't even imagine they would fit in.

Luka eats on his own, most of the time half of the food doesn't make it into his mouth. Where does it go? Some of it goes to the floor, other parts are on the table and sometimes I even find some in his socks or in his belly button.
Now you may be wondering why in the world would I let him make such a mess?
Well, kids learn by playing and to them getting messy is playtime. Feeling food getting mushed against their fingers, bringing out all of their toys and lining them up in a perfect line, or chewing on a crayon like it's bubble gum, all of those things help develop their senses. Those things give kids a chance to explore, to understand how things work and how far they can push their limits.
I won't lie to you, on several occasions I find myself yelling "no, don't eat that, no don't step on that!" I try to remind myself though, it's only a crayon, it's only a ruined shirt, it's only stained teeth until bedtime when he gets to brush them.

The point is, if it's not going to hurt them, let them be. You're going to have to clean up the mess eventually, so just let them make the mess. If you are worried about your precious walls getting vandalized by your little Picasso, then buy him/her tons of paper for them to express their creativity. If you are concerned about your carpet getting food, put some newspaper or plastic on the floor, or just eat somewhere else where you may find it easier to clean up.
Just give your kid a chance to be his or herself. They grow up so fast and these years when they're little don't last forever.

Encourage them to get messy, it's nothing a shower can't fix right?

This post is long overdue.
I'm not sure why I put it off for so long.
My baby has been two years old for a week now and I can't believe I didn't start writing this the minute that clock marked 12:19 am on July 21st.

I guess writing about it made it real.
Writing is my outlet, it's what separates reality from the dreams.
So yes, Luka is now two years old and my oh my, what wonderful years they have been.
I am immensely impressed by this small person everyday.
I know, I know, everyone says that about their children, but watching it happen before your eyes is just an amazing experience.
One day you have this little tiny baby who could barely open his eyes, and then all of a sudden he turns into this babbling, jumping, dancing, turning, throw-a-cup-in-the-garbage-because-you-no-longer-need-it toddler!
I mean, he's learned so much, and I know that that's natural human nature, but I can't help feel proud that I've contributed so much to his development.
I've put him on the right path to personal success; to be the best that he can be.

Two years have gone by quickly, just yesterday it seems that he was given to me all wrapped up in a blanket wearing one of those funny hospital caps to keep his head warm. He was so beautiful, I mean, he looked wrinkly and tired and to be honest he looked pissed, but to me he was perfect.
Now he has started to show his personality, his independence, his curiosity and his reasoning.
The other day on facebook I posted that my greatest achievement as a parent was to have a son who at this age would say please and thank you without being told and really mean it.
That means the world to me, because I know that as parents, Ronald and I have given him the best thing we could give him: values.

I know I must sound like I'm repeating myself, but what else can you do for a human being. In the end, when they are older and parents become uncool, they will not come to you when they need to make decisions, they will just make them, but what will help them choose between right and wrong is the foundation which we provide for them since they are infants.

Happy Bday bubba. I hope one day when your older you get to read this and understand how important you are in my life right now while reading this post as well as when I was writing it.

On another note, Peru was great, I mean it did not go too well for me but Luka had a blast. He met his grand-mother and they instantly feel in love. He also met his aunts and uncles and some other family members. There was loads of space for him to run around and many animals for him to play with.
The only sad part is that we had to leave and he is missing his grand-mother so much. It hurts me to hear him wake-up at night crying calling out for her. I know eventually he will forget a bit about her, and it's not that I want him to forget, but the sadness will wither away slowly until he can finally be with her again.

I miss writing about my life I should do it more often.

XOXO
Jeannette

Today, Saturday July 16th 2011 sitting here typing at 2.23 am., sadness came to me.
It is almost the end of our Peru trip and although I've missed Ronald terribly, I am getting all worked up about leaving my family.
In three days time we will be returning to the states and God only knows when we will be able to come back to Lima and visit family.
I can't say I had the best time in my life here, I spent most of my days at home, the first of them I had no internet access and it was driving me insane!
We didn't really go out, spend our time with my mom and my sisters which is fine, it's what we came for.

I'm oddly satisfied but at the same time mortified, not knowing when I will see these people again is extremely sad.

Well that's about it, nothing more to add to that.

:(

So I wrote this big ass long post about Peruvian food and somehow it did not save. I'll just present you with what little did save and some pictures. Please forgive me, it was long and I even considered not posting this at all.

One of the biggest reasons to visit Peru has to be the food.
There is so much diversity, so much to choose from and not enough time to savor it all. I particularly have yearned to eat an authentic plate of ceviche for the longest time ever. Yes I have had some in NY, but my taste buds cannot be fooled. The real taste of a local ceviche has a kick to it, something that makes your mouth dance.
Today, I got to experience the biggest orgasm in my mouth thanks to the 1st Annual Fair of Gastronomy of Lima North.

This fair, first of its kind in that area was like a congregation of different restaurants that offered so many types of foods. There was rice, meats of all kids, pachamanca, rotisserie chicken, all kinds of potatoes, some delicious desserts, and my absolute favorite; ceviche!!

That's about all that got saved from the nearly ten paragraph post I made. Thankfully, I have some pictures to fill out the lack of reading material, enjoy!


Sign announcing the event


Chicharron (deep fried pork) served with Peruvian pop corn (cancha), mote, and an onion mini salad.


Chiffles (deep fried potato chip style banana) in a spiral fashion.


Succulent plate of Ceviche (marinated fish in lime juice and other spices) served with onions, cancha, mote and sweet potato.
I nearly cried when I tasted this, you cannot get it to taste like this in NY.


Savoring the heavenly taste of my ceviche.


Nice lady soaking my Picarones (Peruvian style doughnut made out of pumpkin and squash) in the delicious syrup.

I also had some Chicha Morada (purple corn drink) but I didn't get a chance to take a picture.
The food was amazing and it brought out in me such a great feeling of homesickness. I just wish we could make food as amazing as they make here. Sure we try our best, but lack of ingredients and spices do not make the finished product justice.
I've been promised to be taken to more amazing places to eat some more delicious food.
My tummy can't wait!

My oh my, so much stuff has happened since I boarded the plane to Peru.
First of all, as soon as I sat down on the seat my left arm broke out in a nasty rash.
Who knows why, but it hasn´t gone away since Friday.
Then we were delayed for about an hour, no big deal for me, but the baby was getting a bit impatient.
Things got better though, the air hostesses found a seat for Luka so I wouldn´t have to carry him on my lap. That was very nice of them.
The flight was calm, a little turbulence happened but nothing major.
Eventually we got to Peru, everything seemed fine until after we collected our baggage. We had to pass through customs because it is customary I think. They opened each of my three pieces of luggage and then took my passport. They informed me that I needed to pay $70 as a fine for brining used clothing as gifts.
They ended up lowering it to $60 which I told them I wouldn´t pay. I really wanted to make a big deal about it and refuse to pay, but even though it is my country, I do not know the laws very well so it wouldn´t have been productive for me to do it.
I ended up telling them that I only had $40 to spare and they accepted.
Seems to me that Peruvian customs only wanted to get some money from me no matter how small. I feel infuriated by this but whatever, I will deal with this later.

Anyway, I was about the last person to finally get out of the area, and as soon as I saw my family they squealed. My mom came and swept Luka away. My sisters came towards me first. Then my brother-in-law and his friend greeted us. I was so frazzled by then, I just wanted to rest. We sat down and started to chat. Afterwards we agreed to come back to my house to sort out the luggage since they had mixed everything up and I didn´t have the energy to do it at the airport.
We got home, chatted some more, they took their luggage and I was finally alone with my mother.
I´m not sure what´s going on but apparently I cannot stay with here for now.
She left me at my grandmother´s house but still won´t tell me why. My sisters hinted that their dad doesn´t want me to stay over there. That´s fine by me, but I wish my mom had the balls to tell me this before I arrived so that I could make alternate arrangements.
Now we are both sleeping in the same room as my aunt. I mean I love my aunt, but I want privacy. I need my own space and most importantly, internet!!
There is no wireless internet connection at home and I am forced to come to a public internet cafe type of thing. I hate this, I don´t like people looking over my shoulder while I check facebook or while I am blogging. They look at me strange because I am typing in English. Anyway, I am trying to be calm for the sake of my mother and my sisters.

Thankfully Luka is having a great time. He has adjustes well and loves everyone. He spends most of his time with my mother and my youngest sister. I couldn´t be happier about that. The food is delicious too, things taste different.

Ok then, I think that´s about it for my Peru report. Hopefully I will have time to update you guys with more info and have pictures to upload.
I miss NY so much, but I am glad we made this trip. It was the best decision we made even though we hit a few snags.

In exactly two days I will be boarding a plane that will take me and Luka to Peru.
For him is going to be this great new adventure where he will have a chance to meet the other half of his family.
For me is this bitter-sweet journey where I will reunite with my loved ones after an almost five year absence but at the same time I will be away from my beloved "yellow prince."

There comes a time in a person's life when the one you love becomes the one you cannot live without. You bond to such an extent that being apart for an X amount of times starts to physically hurt. Just the thought of being away from him for a month is causing me so much stress. I've been ignoring the feeling for a few weeks now but tonight I couldn't resist the need to cry and I started bawling my eyes out.
A feeling of desperation has filled me and I have serious doubts about going to Peru.
I know that this trip is good for both Luka and I. To some extent is also good for Ronald and I and our relationship. Taking time apart is actually really good. Still, I feel like half of me is being ripped apart, like if me going away symbolizes separation forever. I know this is not the case, but my heart doesn't understand that. All it understands is that I will not be with Ronald and that is enough to send it into panic mode.

Anyway, I needed to get this off my chest and try to calm down. Eventually I will cry some more, I'll probably do it on the airplane and the first week in Peru. As the days go by I'll feel better until I get to the point where I will be sad all over again but this time of leaving my mother and the rest of my family.
*sigh*
The heart wants what the heart wants, what can you do?

Well this post is long overdue.
My son will be two years old very soon and I have to admit, raising him was not as hard as everyone painted it.
I did experience tons of ups and downs, and there were arguments and fights, but nothing that would make me not want anymore kids in the future.
How did I do it?
Well it's simple really, I trusted my instincts.
Let me show you what I mean.

Breastfeeding.-
This was a no brainer for me. I've talked about this time and time again. I am very passionate about it and although I believe that breastfeeding is the best you can give your child, I understand that not everyone can/will do it and I respect that.
Well brestfeeding is such a big part of my parenting choices because everything revolves around it. The health of my child, his upbringing, our social standards. Everything roots from breastfeeding.
My mother did it, my grandmother did it, my aunts did it, almost every female in my family and extended family has breastfed all of their children. Naturally breastfeeding was something I was going to do.
This made things much easier if you ask me.
First of all, I did not need to buy any special equipment to breastfeed, all I needed were my breasts and a lot of patience.
Secondly, I could do it anywhere and anytime. No washing and preparing bottles, no carrying around a huge diaper bag filled with equipment. None of that.
It is as simple as bringing out a breast, latching on baby and relaxing when he feeds.
Most of you may not now this, but to this day I still breastfeed my son. I don't like to announce that I am breastfeeding a toddler because that will cause people to ask questions and they may become judgmental. So I kept it between my very supportive family members who understand what the benefits are. Most of them are encouraging and that helps a lot.

Co-sleeping.-
This one was obvious with a breastfeeding baby. I have to admit that at first I resisted to the idea. There is so much talk about SIDS, I was terrified that sleeping with my baby would cause his death. So, what's a mother to do? I sucked it up and woke up every two hours to breastfeed my newborn. His crib was situated right next to my bed, but I physically had to get up from my bed, bring him out to my bed, breastfeed him, put him back to sleep, then put him back in his crib. The whole ordeal took time, and before I knew it, I had to get up and do it all over again.
One night I was so tired that I decided to bring baby to bed. I pushed Ronald to the very edge of the bed, put a pillow next to him and then put baby to sleep between the pillow and I. Regardless of how safe I knew my baby was, I still had doubts, so to the internet I went. There were tons of studies showing how safe co-sleeping can be. There were so many tips on how to do it safely. What I found a lack of were studies saying that there was an increase risk of SIDS while safely co-sleeping like everyone said.
I studied this information for several days until I finally decided that I did meet the requirement to safely co-sleep with my son. I finally gave in to it, we experimented with different sleeping arrangements until we finally found one that worked for us.
My oh my, what a difference it made. Why didn't I do this from the beginning? Night feeding was so much easier when we slept together in the same bed. So many things clicked at that moment. My mother raised all three of her daughters this way, my memory finally showed me some sense and I remembered that we all shared one common bed. She had a king bed with an open sided crib where all four of us slept.
Anyway, since co-sleeping I have rarely had a bad night's sleep. I sleep the whole night through, baby would wake up and I instinctively knew to breastfeed him without fully waking up.

Discipline.-
This one was a bit more trickier.
How does one discipline their kids in a country where hitting your child is frowned upon. That's not to say that I agree with physically abusing a child, not at all, but in my country it is socially accepted to spank your kid as a form of discipline. I was spanked, my cousins were too, it is just the way it is.
I knew from the start that we would not hit a baby, infants do not know right from wrong, and smacking a baby because he is crying too much is not the way to go. This would change soon though as he got bigger. We teach our children right from wrong, we give them rules to live by and values that will carry them through adulthood. Still, sometimes they stray from what's right and they need to know when their behavior is not acceptable. Ronald and I decided that we would try to use our words as much as possible, we would give time-outs when he was old enough to understand and as he grew older we would ground him. Once in a while though spanking needed to be an open option, and we both agreed that we would either spank his bottom or slap his hand if he was going beyond his limits too many times in a row.
The first times we did it we felt awful. Hurting our child was the last thing we wanted to do, but there comes a time where we need to realize that raising a child who knows that bad actions will not go unpunished is important, hence why discipline is must. This is what works for us. We do not apologize after hitting him, we stand by our punishments and reward him when he corrects himself.

So what's my conclusion in this funny parenting style?
We do what's right for us. We threw away the rule-book, we dismissed the judgmental comments, and we followed our instincts. You may not believe it but every person has that paternal/maternal instinct that kicks in when you have a child. Some of us choose to ignore it and fear that what they do is not enough because they let themselves be guided by what others think about them. We don't let others dictate how we raise our kid. Yes we listen to the advice of our elders and fellow young parents, but their word is not our final word. We are the ones raising this kid and we want our kid to be the best he can be. He has the freedom to explore himself and his surroundings. He plays with what he wants as long as it is safe. He learned to crawl, walk, and talk at his own pace even though his grandparents were eager to push him every step of the way. He will wean himself from breatsfeeding whenever he is ready and he will continue to sleep with us for as long as we are all comfortable because it doesn't last long. Before we know it he will no longer be a baby and we will miss these days where we get to snuggle with him and where he will always ask for our help.
Enjoy your kid, they aren't babies forever, carry him as much as he wants, yes your arms will get tired, but soon he will be too heavy to do so.
I have no regrets, everything I've done for him and with him has been done to the best of my abilities. I've raised in my eyes and independent loving, healthy, strong child who will one day raise his own little children the same way.
That's something I am proud about and for that reason I feel that my parenting choices have been the best I could have chosen and I would not have it any other way.

Well his was very interesting. Being a vegetarian for five days turned out to be quite the challenge for someone like me.
My family eats meat every single day, so the challenge was trying to resist temptation.
Nevertheless, I tried my best to stick to my commitment and follow through with it.

So here is the menu for the last day of being a vegetarian:

Midnight Snack - leftover Pasta
Breakfast - chocolate chip muffin
Lunch - Mac and cheese
Dinner - white rice and fried egg
Snack - one monster marshmallow

Overall the day wasn't bad. I spent the day in CT with family who also cooked some yummy meat but I was alright.
So what is my verdict on being a vegetarian?
Well, it was hard but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
Something good that I definitely noticed is the fact that I less. Being aware of what I put in my plate made a huge difference in the portions I was consuming.
What I can take from this experience is that I can maybe cut back on what I eat specially meat. I don't think I can go full vegetarian but I can certainly try cutting back my meat intake and replace it with more greens.

Another day went by and I am very surprised I haven't gone mad.
Yesterday was the hardest by far of being a vegetarian, only because my father in law has officially decided to torture me with food, or so I think...
Let me show you what I mean:

Midnight Snack - Cheese Quesadilla, Coke
Breakfast - Cheese and butter roll, fresh squeezed limeade
Lunch - Greek pasta salad
Snack - Chocolate cereal balls
Dinner - Same as lunch
Snack - Jell-o parfait

Ok, so that wasn't so bad, the torture I was talking about is that what the rest of my family had for lunch were ribs. RIBS!!!
I had such a hard time resisting, I wanted to eat them so bad. I smelled them as soon as they went into the oven. It was pure, pure torture!
I did not cave nonetheless but it was very sad seeing that last rib being eaten.
I was glad though, I made it through four days of being a vegetarian and I couldn't be more proud of myself. One more day to go!

Well I am not really starving, but there are periods of times when I don't feel quite full. I feel like something is missing.
My body seems to be reacting very well to the vegetarian lifestyle though, I feel light, fresh, clean perhaps?
I don't know how these things work, but I feel healthy. I know, I know, three days isn't enough to see a huge difference, but I feel it.

Ok, lets get to the good stuff, menu of the day:

Midnight Snack - Avocado, and some nibbles of leftover torreja.
Breakfast - Fried eggs, and bread, fresh squeezed limeade
Lunch - Green rice with onion and avocado salad
Snack - Can't remember, but I ate something I'm sure of that
Dinner - Same as Lunch

So as you can see, avocado and eggs have been my best friends lately. They provide me what protein I may be lacking and they fill me up.
I know it's not very creative, but I'm working with what I have.
Two more days of this madness and I'm done. I can't say it's bad though, I like how this is going, may have to go vegetarian again sometime. XD

So I made it through day 2 of this crazy thing I'm doing; being vegeterian for five days!
It was a little more difficult, I had so many plans on what I was going to eat, but I failed at executing any of them. I just didn't have the energy or the motivation to do them.
So did I cave? Did I eat meat? No!
Here's my menu for the day:

Midnight Snack - Slice of home-made Lemon Raspberry Pie
Breakfast - Bagel with Viajero cheese, some butter, orange juice
Lunch - Potato and onion torreja (Peruvian omelette), white rice, tomato salad, water
Snack - Same as midnight snack
Dinner - Same thing as lunch
More snack - Avocado with a little salt.

So, there isn't much to it. I felt tempted to make myself a turkey and salami sandwich, I also felt the need to gobble up the stew my father in law made.
Thankfully my boyfriend made me three torrejas to last me through the day.
Hopefully day 3 comes with more options, I'm starting to miss meat, not as bad as I thought I would, but I do miss it. Being vegetarian for 2 days wasn't easy.

Wish me luck!!

No! No, no, no!
I am not giving up meat!
Then why am I doing this?
Well, many reasons, but it all comes down to this; I like to try new things.

Culturally speaking, vegetarians are an alien species who rarely make an appearance in society. We, or me I should say, have never met anyone who willingly gave up meat back in Peru.
It's just not something we do. If you can afford meat, you eat it!
No, I wasn't poor either, but my family did not have the "luxury" of choosing to be vegetarian. You ate what you could afford and that's that.
So I've never known anything outside of that world, we ate meat, that's normal right?

Well when I came to this country I learned so much, among some of the things I learned is that an individual has a right to make decisions whether others like it or not.
I still didn't understand why someone would not want to eat meat, but I respected it. To each their own.
Lately though, I started to feel intrigued by this lifestyle, could someone really give up meat and not miss it?
How would your soup taste without the flavorings of chicken, how would your stew taste if meat didn't simmer in it for oodles of time?
It just didn't make sense.

So I've embarked on a journey, a very short one I should add, but a very rewarding one I hope.
I've decided to give up all forms of meat for five days straight.
To you it may not seem much, but for me it's a huge deal. I eat meat every day, several times a day!
With the help of a very good friend, and a lot of motivation, I started my journey today Monday, May 30th 2011

Menu for the day:
Midnight snack - A full ripe Avocado and some bread
Breakfast - Scrambled eggs, some more bread, viajero cheese, and some orange juice
Lunch - White rice, beans, fried eggs, and iced tea
Snack - Chocolate cereal
Dinner - Boiled potato (oven broke), with butter, and water.

Wow, seems like so little.
May I add that my father in law made oven roasted chicken today? Dude! WTF!
You make my favorite kind of chicken the day I decide not to eat it?
Oh well, I'm glad it was yummy because my family gobbled it all up before I had a chance to steal some.
I should also add that I am a bit ashamed to be sharing this with my Peruvian friends and my family.
My boyfriend didn't take my decision so kindly. He made fun of me and told me that there was no point in it.
"Why do it?" he said.
Well, it's just like trying sushi for the first time, I want to experience it, learn from it, and then form an opinion about it. I may not like it, I may love it, who knows. This is something I need to figure out on my own, and the only way to do it is by experiencing.
I do want to give Ronald some credit, as the day progressed, he was very kind about eating things with meat in it, he fed the baby his chicken so that I wouldn't be tempted to sneak pieces of it into my mouth. When I hit the 12hr mark he told me he was very proud of me.
It was a good day all in all, meat did limit my options though, I'm not used to eating something without it, and I had to resort to simple things.

We'll see how it goes tomorrow.

Edit: I didn't explain this well so here goes a bit more info.
What I meant about vegetarian being a luxury is that you eat what you can get. My family in Peru can afford to eat what they want most of the time, but in Peru, if you happen to get I don't know, a nice chunk of meat that day, then you eat it. Sometimes you don't have enough for vegetables. They don't have the luxury of choosing what to eat, they eat what they can afford and period. So if they can afford meat, they will choose this rather than going vegan/vegetarian.

This is a path I've walked before and the way I see it, I can either avoid it or walk down it again with the knowledge I got from my previous voyage.
I'm not looking forward to it, there was too much sulking and tears the first time around.

*Sigh*
I don't know how to avoid it, I feel it coming and I make no efforts to stop it, I just can't.
I remember death, and separation. I remember poverty, and innocence being lost.
They are lurking in the back of my mind, they want to take center stage.
I very subtly push them back but eventually they're bound to come out.

I distract myself with everything I can. I dance, I write, I become an artistic goddess, but to no avail. I can't stop thinking of how miserable I'm starting to feel.
I feel sorry for myself, for the things I haven't had a chance of achieving. I feel like at 26 my life is over.
Maybe I'm dying?

Sometimes I feel like I am. I'm not sick no, I just feel like life is escaping me.

I don't know, I really don't know. I'm just sad.
I am very sad, and I know where this is heading.
I don't want to be sad, I am scared.

I am all for quality.
Fine materials, durability, the feel, the look. I want it all.
Yes, all those things cost money and yes most of us, including myself, can't afford them all the time.
Once in a while though, we need to invest in some quality.

Look at it this way, an eyeliner.
You can get many types of eyeliner starting at $1.
The cheapest one will not necessarily be bad, but I wouldn't trust it to be durable.
Then there's my favorite eyeliner; Urban Decay's 24/7 eyeliner.
They will set you back $18 a piece, crazy I know!
I almost had a heart attack when after trying on this amazing product I saw the price.
$18? Are you serious? Who in their right mind would pay so much for an eyeliner?
Me, that's who, and I can't say I regret because it was that purchase that led me to understand when it's ok to splurge on some items.
This $18 eyeliner has lasted so long. I've used it almost every time I've done my make-up and it's still pretty long. I've only sharpened it four times.
How? Well let's get into the specs.
It's very smooth when applied, the liner just glides on.
The pigmentation is amazing, one pass through your eye and it's enough to get a nice black solid line.
It's also waterproof, hence the 24/7 claim.
You do not need to reapply it so you don't use as much product, that's why it last so long.
So in conclusion, I much rather buy an $18 eyeliner that is going to last me forever and look amazing rather than get 18 $1 eyeliners that are going to take too much effort to apply, not lat long and in the end waste product.

Another example would be clothing.
I live by Fordham Rd. and anybody who knows anything about cheap clothing knows that this is the place to go if you're looking for bargain piece.
The downside is, there isn't much quality.
The fabric on some of these pieces is somewhat thin, the stitching isn't that great, and the colors sometimes fade after a few washes.
Please don't get me wrong, not everything found here is bad. I myself have found some good sturdy pieces that I've had for years, but this is not always the case.
So should you not shop here?
No!
Just understand that buying a $2 top will most likely not last you months and months as would a more expensive alternative would.
Now I'm not saying that everything that costs more will last you longer.
I just believe that higher end brands do take pride in the quality they offer their customer and they actually take the time to find the best materials to create these pieces.

One last example would be purses.
I've always been a fan of the handbags. My favorite ones were from Victoria's Secret. I would wait and wait until their semi-annual sale and stock up on two or three handbags to use during the year.
Their bags are of nice quality, usually they are under the $40 mark and they come with goodies inside.
I never really did care for the lotion and mists included, but the bag, their designs are to die for. I love them!
Sadly, they do not last forever, and once the year has passed my bags are all but falling apart.
I do want to say though, I use these bags on a daily basis, they've seen the floor of every corner of my room, they been hung by one handled, thrown over the bed, sat on, punched, flung around, you name it!
Lately though, I've started to appreciate another brand such as Coach.
They are designer bags but the price-tag will not make you go bankrupt.
It's a more affordable way to sport some fancy purse that actually looks and feels good.
So far I own two but I did not pay full retail price for either of them.
Thankfully some friends of mine who take good care of their bags decided to resell their bags.
Well one person did, but one of the bags went to someone else before getting to me.
Regardless of that, the bags are of top quality, they may be pre-owned but you could not tell just by looking at them.
I think the combination of very careful handling by their previous owners, and the way these bags were made makes them age beautifully.
Granted, they aren't that old, but I can see the quality oozing out of them.
The stitching is sturdy and impeccable, the design is modern yet sophisticated.
There's so much more I could say about them but the point of this is to let you know that sometimes is a good idea to invest in quality.
I can't stress this enough though; Higher price doesn't always mean best quality and neither does low price mean bad quality.
If you like something and you know the quality is amazing then get it.
If it happens to be affordable then good for you!
If it happens to be a bit pricey then splurge a little. It will be worth it in the long run. You won't have to purchase a replacement so soon and that means more savings for you.

To conclude my very long speech, I want to say this. Yes, I like to buy higher end brands, no I'm not being a snob by doing so. I just rather have finer quality that will last me years to come than save a few bucks here and there for crappy things.

If I had 3k-5k to spend on a Louis Vuitton I so would. I wouldn't even think about it.
Sadly I can't afford it, but this would be a great example of where quality meets ridiculously pricing. Is it worth it?
Hellz Yeah!
Is it pricey?
Hellz Yeah!

In the end, you decide what's worth splurging on or not.

Yes, I cried. I'm still trying to figure out why.
Maybe it had something to do with Osama Bin Laden's death.
No, I'm not sorry he died, I'm not glad either, I just got sad for what his death represented; more death!

How do things change?
Is the war over then?
Was this just about closure?

When I found out he died I was very quickly taken back in time, back to 2001.
I was woken rather violently.
"Nachi! Look at the television, look!"
I managed to look at the TV and I saw it, my home, my city, my country getting hurt.
I couldn't believe it, I thought I was still dreaming, this could not be happening.
I won't try to take you down that path right now, we all know what I saw, but how I felt back then, the emptiness, the rage, the sorrow, it all came back to me.
So I cried.
I mourned the dead once more and I just couldn't help the tears from coming.
Because no matter how many more die, it's still not over, we are still losing our own people to a mindless war that I still can't comprehend.
Granted, I am not at all familiar why this is still going on, but war is war, and no matter how I look at it, it's still wrong.

Anyway, this man is now dead, shall we move on now? Are we safe now?
Ronald had a request for me today.
"Please don't ride the subway this week."
I hadn't thought of that, should I be worried?
Is the other side going to want to attack us now?

It never ends does it?

Death does not come for me.
It sees me suffer, yet it does not care.
It would be so easy, to die, to not exist.
Death does not care, it mocks me.

Just the other day someone died right next to me.
Me? No, it mocks me. Death does not care.
I suffered, I pained, death eludes me.
My heart is ripped opened, I bleed, but not to death.
I fall into the blackness, it never ends, it never ends.
I fall but I don't care, I want to fall, I want to die.
Death does not care for my tears, it doesn't care for my pain, it mocks me.

Death does not care, it kills all around me,
death kills all around me and watches me bleed.
Depression, agony, perversion.
Death does not want me. I am nothing and it does not want me.
I've been chewed up and spit out, I have nothing.
My hands are empty, I reach but they are empty.
I burn from the inside, such a pain I've endured yet death does not pity me.
She laughs, she points, she smirks but she does not take me.
Take me, please take me, I beg you!
She laughs.
Death does not take me.

(Before anyone gets antsy, this is just a poem. I remembered something from my past and I got inspired, I am alright, I promise.)

Well, where do I start?
First of all the passports, they're done and the date has been set. We should be getting the passports in a month or so.
Why the passports? Well, we're traveling to Peru in the summer.
Baby and I are going to visit our family.
It's been so long since I was last there, 2006 to be exact. Things have changed so much and I'm a ball of nerves just thinking about it.
I mean, I get to see my mother and my sisters, that never changes, but I have more family now, my cousins both have children as well.
I've changed so much, I'm older, I think differently, I feel different. I'm less tolerant of B.S., so so much has changed.
There's also the fact that Luka has never been there. I don't know how he'll react to his first time on a plane, or how he'll feel when all of these strangers come towards him with loving embraces. Will he reject them? Will they feel offended?
I hope not.
There's is also the matter of Ronald's family, they are so big in numbers. We have to go see them too. Now everyone knows I'm not too fond of his mother's side, but his father's side are pretty cool.

Then there is the pain that always comes when I think of Peru.
My grandmother isn't there anymore.
No matter how many years go by, Peru just feels empty without her.
I have this fear of going to my house and looking at that front doorstep and crumble down in tears.
She's not there, and it's such a bittersweet feeling. Seeing my family, but it's not complete. She's gone.

Anyway, I guess there's still time to process everything, there's still time to get things together and give myself a chance to be prepared.
KK then, bye...

Well, let's start this off by saying that I will not talk about breastfeeding.
Well I might include something related to it, but it's ok, it's my blog. XD

Since I started to get to know makeup brands and started writing my beauty blog and whatnot, I made it a point to be able to recognize things right from the get go.
I can pretty much spot a fake once I get an initial look.
Then I started researching designer bags, not that I can afford a Louis Vuitton per say, but a girl can dream can't she?
Recently though, thanks to a very good facebook friend named Vienna, I was introduced to a brand called Coach.
It is a designer brand at an affordable price. I like how they look and how they feel and if you save up a little you can rack up a pretty collection in no time.
The downside to everything pretty and chic is that there will fakes out there. In lieu of this, I started to investigate how to spot a fake Coach bag. I was pretty surprised with the amount of information I found and by now I consider myself a connoisseur.

So why am I rambling on and on about this and that? Well I went on some Spanish forums, namely some from Peru and I saw people offering these extremely cheaply made fakes for sale. Now it would all be somewhat ok if they weren't offering them for crazy prices! They are practically selling them for about 60% of what an original would cost you. I felt outraged, I mean come on! Why, why would you rip people off like that.
Worse part is, the buyers believe it so much, they go on these forums and purchase those bags. So sad!
Same thing goes with the makeup, I saw some rolls of makeup brushes with about 15 brushes included and some cream shadow palettes from MAC.
O.M.G!

Anyway, moving on, I know I said I wouldn't talk about breastfeeding, but it's part of my life. The latest?
This blog post:
http://blog.theicecreamists.com/2011/03/262/
These people made some ice cream flavor called "Baby Gaga", guess whose milk they used? Human breastmilk!
I have to admit, I'm pretty skeptical to try someone else's boobie milk, but it makes sense! We drink cow milk, and cow milk is essentially breastmilk.
So why not consume something that was meant for us in the first place?
I agree with everything said in that post and I want to point fingers at the nay sayers for talking such nonsense and wanting this flavor to be banned.
How hypocritical can you be? You are willing to drink cow's milk, meant for a calf, but you won't consume human breastmilk because it came from a woman?

Me? I don't really drink any type of milk so I have an excuse to not try this flavor, not saying I won't, but I have my reasons, I don't really like milk. I do like ice cream though, so we'll see.

That's what Ronald calls me, the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding.
Let's rewind a little.
I have many passions, I love to dance, I like how it's so much fun and such a nice workout. I also love to read, I can become engrossed in a book so much so that hours seem to turn into minutes and before I know I've skipped both lunch and dinner.
I also love parenting, yeah, I love being a parent. I love knowing that I am molding a person, teaching him to be the best they can be, giving him values that he will carry for the rest of his life.
So with that kind of responsibility comes tough choices.
Crib or co-sleeping
breast or formula
home cooked or jarred food
private or public school
You get the picture, the list goes on and on and only you have the kind of power to make those decisions.

I chose to breastfeed my child, mainly because that's the only thing I knew. Where I come from, breastfeeding is the norm. It's as normal as using a spoon to eat soup or as normal as using your eyes to see. It's just the way it is. Formula is left for the mothers who truly, honest to God cannot breastfeed for health issues, orphans maybe, or for the wealthy kind who can actually afford it. The rest breastfeed because it's healthier and because their mothers taught them that it is the way to feed an infant.
So, I grew up with that, I saw my mother breastfeed my sisters, I saw it on the park when my neighbors went out, even saw it on the bus when strangers had no problem pulling up their breasts from out of their shirt and feed their child.
Nobody found it appalling, or disgusting, there wasn't a single person with a look of disgust or amazement. Yeah there were pervs who looked twice, but those same people would look at a young girl wearing tight pants if she was nearby.
My point is, I was brought up around this, this is what I wanted to do with my child and after gathering enough information about the benefits to both him and I, it seemed like the right choice.
So I breastfed, he grew so much so quickly. He is a healthy 19 month old who is smart in every way. Could he have been as smart had he not breastfed? Probably, but I was not willing to find out. I gave him the best and the best made him who he is.

So what's up with the title of this post? Well, even though Ronald is pro-me-breastfeeding, he could care less what others do with their children. Nonetheless, he sees me everyday checking blogs, going on facebook pages that talk about breastfeeding, preparing myself with witty comments to shoot back at people who make mean ones. He's seen it all coming from me, and he's also seen how passionate I am about this. Not only is he thrilled how big and beautiful has his son turned out to be, but he sees what it does to me. The weight loss, AMAZING!
He knows the benefits, but he would never become an advocate, he would never go out there and spread the word. I, on the other hand would. I do it all the time with family members and friends. Yeah they hear me, yes they agree to the benefits but sometimes I see that look on their face, the "When are you shutting up" look.
I think I push it too much but how can I not? Baby's lives are at steak! I'm not sure I can say it another way without getting into an argument about it, but, breast is the best possible thing you can give your child.
I'm not saying that formula is bad, no no no.
I look at it this way: If you had a healthy meal full of veggies and yummy nutritious things on one plate, and a not so healthy meal full of deep friend stuff with not so many nutritious things on another plate, which one would you eat? I mean both things are going to fill your tummy and yes you might get some of the good stuff from the deep fried ensemble, but you know deep down in your heart that the best possible option is the first one.
We as adults don't make the right choices when it comes to our bodies, but if the option to feed our babies lie between pure, healthy breastmilk and artificial milk that is constantly reformulated to imitate the real thing?
I think the answer is obvious, but for whatever reason we do not see that.

To end this long rant I want to say this, how you raise your kids is your business, you and only you have the right to decide how you're going to mold your kid.
All I want you to do is to truly make an informed decision, be it what you feed him/her or where they're going to sleep. You must investigate both sides before you choose, and if someone offers advise, do not turn them down from the get go just because you already choose. Information comes in different forms, and our friends and family sometimes can offer the best advise.
I got soooo much unwanted advice while pregnant and just after my baby was born. I didn't like most of it but I still took the time to listen because all of that time was a learning time for me. I wanted to know it all and take the best advise to heart and the bad advise as things I would never do.

So why does Ronald call me the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding? He says that I remind him of her, if I needed to sit on the bus and not get up until police to get me to actually make the world understand how important this issue is, I totally would have done it right there with Rosa Parks encouraging me.


XD