Wednesday, June 15, 2011
In exactly two days I will be boarding a plane that will take me and Luka to Peru.
For him is going to be this great new adventure where he will have a chance to meet the other half of his family.
For me is this bitter-sweet journey where I will reunite with my loved ones after an almost five year absence but at the same time I will be away from my beloved "yellow prince."
There comes a time in a person's life when the one you love becomes the one you cannot live without. You bond to such an extent that being apart for an X amount of times starts to physically hurt. Just the thought of being away from him for a month is causing me so much stress. I've been ignoring the feeling for a few weeks now but tonight I couldn't resist the need to cry and I started bawling my eyes out.
A feeling of desperation has filled me and I have serious doubts about going to Peru.
I know that this trip is good for both Luka and I. To some extent is also good for Ronald and I and our relationship. Taking time apart is actually really good. Still, I feel like half of me is being ripped apart, like if me going away symbolizes separation forever. I know this is not the case, but my heart doesn't understand that. All it understands is that I will not be with Ronald and that is enough to send it into panic mode.
Anyway, I needed to get this off my chest and try to calm down. Eventually I will cry some more, I'll probably do it on the airplane and the first week in Peru. As the days go by I'll feel better until I get to the point where I will be sad all over again but this time of leaving my mother and the rest of my family.
*sigh*
The heart wants what the heart wants, what can you do?
For him is going to be this great new adventure where he will have a chance to meet the other half of his family.
For me is this bitter-sweet journey where I will reunite with my loved ones after an almost five year absence but at the same time I will be away from my beloved "yellow prince."
There comes a time in a person's life when the one you love becomes the one you cannot live without. You bond to such an extent that being apart for an X amount of times starts to physically hurt. Just the thought of being away from him for a month is causing me so much stress. I've been ignoring the feeling for a few weeks now but tonight I couldn't resist the need to cry and I started bawling my eyes out.
A feeling of desperation has filled me and I have serious doubts about going to Peru.
I know that this trip is good for both Luka and I. To some extent is also good for Ronald and I and our relationship. Taking time apart is actually really good. Still, I feel like half of me is being ripped apart, like if me going away symbolizes separation forever. I know this is not the case, but my heart doesn't understand that. All it understands is that I will not be with Ronald and that is enough to send it into panic mode.
Anyway, I needed to get this off my chest and try to calm down. Eventually I will cry some more, I'll probably do it on the airplane and the first week in Peru. As the days go by I'll feel better until I get to the point where I will be sad all over again but this time of leaving my mother and the rest of my family.
*sigh*
The heart wants what the heart wants, what can you do?
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