Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

This is a path I've walked before and the way I see it, I can either avoid it or walk down it again with the knowledge I got from my previous voyage.
I'm not looking forward to it, there was too much sulking and tears the first time around.

*Sigh*
I don't know how to avoid it, I feel it coming and I make no efforts to stop it, I just can't.
I remember death, and separation. I remember poverty, and innocence being lost.
They are lurking in the back of my mind, they want to take center stage.
I very subtly push them back but eventually they're bound to come out.

I distract myself with everything I can. I dance, I write, I become an artistic goddess, but to no avail. I can't stop thinking of how miserable I'm starting to feel.
I feel sorry for myself, for the things I haven't had a chance of achieving. I feel like at 26 my life is over.
Maybe I'm dying?

Sometimes I feel like I am. I'm not sick no, I just feel like life is escaping me.

I don't know, I really don't know. I'm just sad.
I am very sad, and I know where this is heading.
I don't want to be sad, I am scared.