Friday, December 11, 2009
It's that time again, the Christmas season. How wonderful! Right?
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
Well technically yes, but I feel like crap.
Just last month I was fantasizing about what my answer would be if Santa Claus were to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. My answer was "Nothing, I have everything I want." And it was true, I have a family, a real one, a real family I can call my own. It's hard to understand, I have a mother and a father, but they're not a family, and they both have families of their own, and I have half brothers and sisters, but none of them seem to belong to me. This time though, I have son, and wonderful guy who is both a great partner and father. This is my family, my very own family and there is nothing greater in the world than that.
I'm also healthy, I don't suffer from any illnesses, I'm thankful for that.
I have a roof over my head and I always have something to eat. I have everything I could ever ask for and more.
Then why do I feel so down?
It's around this time of year that despite all I have, I remember all I don't have.
I miss my mother, we aren't very close but God knows I love her dearly and I miss my little sisters as well. They in Peru and I haven't seen them for a couple of years.
I miss my grandparents, they're both in heaven, but I just wish that for one night, just one night I could have them back, just for a little while, to give them a hug and a kiss, just for a little while. A girl can dream can't she?
I know this may sound corny, but I also wish I had a lot of money, not for me though, I wish I had a lot of money to give away. I wish I was able to buy a truckload of coats and presents and go around all day long and give them out to the needy. Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just something I wish I could do.
It just breaks my heart to think of all those families who can't afford to celebrate Christmas, they can't afford to have a Christmas dinner or buy their kids presents.
Some of them don't even have a place to sleep in. How awful to be them this time around, it makes me sad that I can't change that.
There are many things among all these that have me feeling down.
Today in particular it was the fact that I am sick, I have a cold. It's my own fault though, the weather got ugly and I wasn't prepared.
Another thing that went wrong was that I have to go to work tomorrow and I have no freaking milk to leave for my baby.
Whoever said nursing mothers "can" go to work and still give their babies breast milk is full of it!
It's doable I guess, but it's very complicated. I didn't realize I had run out of frozen milk and I'm pumping like crazy to leave him something to eat for tomorrow.
He'll have to deal with formula as dreadful as that sounds, but it's better than starving.
I guess it's my own fault too since I should have checked the supply a couple of days ago, anyway, what's done is done.
The drop that spilled over the glass was my boyfriend. I know, I know, I've said wonderful things about him, but today he was a selfish meany.
He is telling me how tired he is and how sick he feels. I'm like "DUDE! I'm tired too, I have things to do and I'm tired too!"
I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but the damage was done. I cried for a while trying to pump some milk and I only got drops, then I decided to give up and whine about it here in my blog.
So sorry guys for putting you through my misery, but who else do I talk to?
I could talk to myself but that doesn't really help.
Oh well, I'm rambled on for too long. I need to calm myself down and embrace the positive again.
Merry Christmas all.
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