Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

I hate writing about people who hurt me. I hate having to waste my precious minutes talking about and venting on said person has done to me.
Sadly, I know no other way to release the anger than by writing about it.
Who is to blame today?
A woman...
Yes, it is a woman. I won't go into specifics, most people close to me already know who I'm talking about so there is no need.

What I'm about to say applies to everyone so in some way I guess you'll still find it interesting even though you may not know the name of this woman.

A lot of people command respect, they want to be treated like with dignity and well respect. First of all, you must earn respect if you really want it. How does one earn respect? Well you start by respecting others. "Do onto others as you would have others do unto you." Wise words. You don't have to like me, but if you want me to treat you as a respectable human being, you need to show me that you can do the same for me, otherwise you aren't worth my time and I will discard you as an annoying little pebble in my shoe.

I'm not all sugar and spice and everything nice as some people believe. Well of course I'm not mean to you, you're my friend (or brother, sister, mother, cousin..), I would never treat you bad. For those of you who have experienced this side of me know very well that I can hold a grudge forever, and it is very difficult to get me to the point of even consider holding a grudge against them so you know their crime must have been big.

Second point, I'm a smart girl, if I'm told I'm doing something wrong and needs to be fixed, I will most likely change my ways and fix the situation. Now if you're just getting pissed off day by day and don't say a word then there is no way I'm going to know I'm doing something bad! I'm not psychic, well not anymore at least...
Communication is key in all relationships. Be it with your spouse, or with your co-workers, no matter how embarrassing or tedious a conversation may be, letting know other people how you feel is very important to be able to co-exist!

Last point, don't talk behind my back, please, just don't!
I know a lot of people say that they rather a person come to them face to face and say what they need to say to them. A lot of people don't really mean it, because once this is done they go berserk! I won't, I promise. Please, curse at me, tell me I stink, or tell me my freakishly index toe is much too long for your comfort, whatever it is, just say it in my face. Don't go around telling other people how I'm "this" and "that", eventually I'll find out about it and be really angry. *makes angry face*

So what's the moral of this post? Don't freaking mess with me!
I am dead serious!
If you suddenly feel that I've drifted away, that you no longer have access to my Facebook wall, or that I no longer attempt any kind of communication with you, think about what the heck you did to piss me off!
I don't want to be a bitch myself, but a girl can only take so much, my granny taught me tolerance, but if you looked up "most scariest bitch ever" on google, you'll probably find her picture. Yeah, she was crazy like that.

Ok then, thanks for reading, and please don't be scared for me now, I'm not all bad, if you're reading this, it means that you're still part of my life, so you're safe, for now....
:)

I see you and my heart beats faster.
It escapes.
I see you, you see me. I feel love.
In my eyes, a reflection of you, of me, together.

I get lost in these thoughts, I think about the future, our future.
Time is lost, it's just you and me. Love is here.

I fell in love. Love me, love me.

Today is the day. One year ago baby Luka was born.
Yesterday I started remembering everything that went on while I was in labor. Ronald and I started to remember details and times, and little scares we had. At midnight he came home from work and after coming out of the shadow we stared at our sleeping baby counting the minutes to his 1 year birthday.
I became so emotional, not only because this is such a great milestone, but because it has also been one year since I transitioned from being a woman to becoming a mom.
I became more self aware of my abilities, I did things that I never thought I would, I became a parent and my whole life changed as no other event could have changed it.

Responsibility was no longer optional, it was essential. I could no longer plan my day around my mood or sleep pattern, everything had to be done around the baby. It may seem like a bad thing, but I loved knowing that I had a little person in my life who required so much and I was the one who could give it to him. My love, my affection, my caring, I gave him all and I still do.
He is a bit temperamental but to me that screams character. There will be a time when I will have to teach him to be a big boy, but for now he is my baby and I am so proud of him.

I heard him babble his first word (teta), saw him crawl for the first time (backwards), and get his first scare when Ronald turned the blender on.
His first tooth was such a thrill, and his massive cold was such hard time for both. So many things we've shared together, so many memories made in just one year.
This has been the greatest year in my whole life and it is all because of him.

I love you Luka, mommy and daddy love you.
Happy Bday.

Before you go and start bashing me and telling me how wrong I am, I urge to relax and keep reading.
I come from Peru and in my country breastfeeding is as normal as holding hands or sneezing. Women everywhere do it all the time wherever they are, be it in the bus, in a park bench or while having breakfast on an outdoor setting. I grew up around this environment seeing my mother breastfeed both my sisters.
Now why is breastfeeding so over rated for me? It isn't, I think it's the most superb thing there is and I can't keep talking about it. I talk about it on facebook, I talk about it on yahoo answers, I even talk about it at home, so much so that my boyfriend is fed up with it.
So that's where the title of this post comes from, it is him who is so over the breastfeeding "phenomenon." Like me, he also grew up seeing breastfeeding mothers do their thing wherever and whenever so when he hears about all the support groups and public breastfeeding sittings he laughs and says it's all ridiculous.

"Why do you need support groups for?" he would ask.
"So that women can be supported when they can't do it on their own," I would say.
"Don't they have their mothers for that?"
"Sometimes their mothers are as clueless as they are."
"Aunts maybe?"
"Nope"
"Neighbor?"
"Errr, no..."

So I have to explain to him that our culture is different from this one when it comes to breastfeeding. Not everyone here grew up around breastfeeding, not everyone here has a mother, aunt, or friendly neighbor who can help them. Sometimes everyone around them don't have a clue since they didn't have that environment either. That's why is such a big deal, that's why support groups exist, that is why people breastfeed in public sometimes, to encourage, to educate, to promote this wonderful thing women can do. Yes, it's wonderful, it's miraculous.
Not only did we conceive and carried a child for nine months, but we also produce the food that will sustain them for a years. Yes years! What more of a miracle do you want.
That's why I write about it, that's why I share what I do. I'm not the "flash your boob in yo' face" kind of gal, but just because I'm in a crowded subway car filled with strangers doesn't mean I'm going to let my baby cry out of hunger. If I have to show skin then let the show begin!
Well that last part is besides the point, the point is that even though my boyfriend fully supports me and even though he knows of all the benefits of breastfeeding, he is still up to his nose with all the drama as he calls it.
"Why can't women just breastfeed without making a fuss, they act like they're saving the world and they're not, they're just feeding their children, what's the big deal?"
That's what he said to me today and he's right. I made an argument about how my breastfeeding in public would encourage other mothers to do it, and discourage sourpusses to stay away if they don't like it, but he shrugged it off and said to simply breastfeed, that is all. So today I decided that I would do just that. Simply breastfeed, minus the drama.

Since the birth of Luka, my son, I've had a big issue with self esteem. I love that I carried my son for nine months and that I delivered a healthy baby, but what I don't love is the fact that my body has become a big ball of saggy skin over barely toned muscle. Now I've never been the thin type but I did have some curves that I loved. Now all that is gone.
So, the issue with me was that I was feeling less than attractive and nothing seemed to cheer me up. That is until I discovered make-up.
Ah yes make-up. Some of you must think I'm being superficial or that make-up is just a cover up for imperfections, and I think you are somewhat right. The difference for me is that I'm not a big make-up wearer, never have been.
Nonetheless, as the girl that I am, I have owned a few make-up products that I applied once in a while for an outing, but now...
I've become obsessed with make-up videos on youtube. A lot of talented people like petrilude, Marlena from MakeupGeekTV, and MichellePhan among others are video sensations when it comes to the tutorials. They are good at what they do and they have inspired me to broaden my make-up knowledge.
Since then I've watched hundreds of videos, tutorials, I've searched for many products online and joined several make-up forums.
One of my favorite things to do is play one of the tutorials while I apply the make-up and try out a look. Sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I don't lol.
Now, everything is good I suppose, no harm done right?
Not! I've become so obsessed that I literally want to shop for make-up everyday! But not being impressed with drugstore brands, I like to shop at Sephora. Yes, Sephora, it's like crack, not that I would know, but I hear it's very addicting.
Sephora is filled with make-up brands of all kinds at a somewhat pricey range but the quality cannot be beat.
My favorite brand? Urban Decay of course. They have pretty shimmery high pigmented colors and fun stuff that will make anybody squeal.
I used to believe that you could only put one color of eyeshadow on your lid and that was it. Boy was I wrong, I've learned about blending, and highlighting, brushes to use to achiever that perfect smokey eye and whatnot.
Now, I'm not an expert, I'm far from it, but prettying myself up and trying on new looks has raised my self esteem tons. I just believe that even though I still look like a flappy mess, I can feel pretty by playing around with my make-up.

Tomorrow is a big day, well today actually because it's already Friday. There is a Sephora store opening at 97th and Columbus and I can't wait! I'll be sure to write about my experience and posts pics.
Bye now.

Sometimes, I'm watching a movie, or listening to an upbeat tune and it hits me.
Inspiration, it just comes.
Why?
I'm not very sure, inspiration comes spontaneously without warning. And that's when you have only a few minutes to make something of it. Let me explain.
Once inspiration hits you have to act on it, if you don't sometimes it slips away. It goes away. When it's gone, it may not come back right away. You can't will it to come back. It doesn't work that way.

Now I can prove this. Some of my writings are first drafted on pieces of scrap paper or napkins. It's just one of those things that require your all right way.

Sometimes inspiration comes from the most unlikely things such as an odd action or random words. Even memories inspire me, they inspire me to write about me, about anything and everything. Funny how it works.

So there it is.
What inspired me to write this?
I'm watching a movie, a musical nonetheless, my favorite.

Well the time has come. Luka is almost six months.
Yeah, I know, six months is a big milestone to reach, but that's not the only thing that has come. The time has come for me to redirect my life.
When I was pregnant I decided that I would be a stay at home mom for at least six months to give proper care for him. I wanted him to have his mommy all for himself.
Well now I'm beginning my search for a job and I'm also thinking about going back to school.

What brought this on?

Well.....

I love my mother, I loved and still love my grandmother and all the people who have raised me but so far none of them have further education beyond high school.
I've seen my mother struggle to find her place in a company where they use you up and spit you up once you're no use to them. Now she's forty something and she thinks she's too old for anything.
Could a college degree help? Well I think so.
I know I am my mom's most precious thing along with my two other sisters, and I know that she chose me instead of pursuing her life when she found out she was pregnant at 18. Yet, I know that she would have wanted to do more with her life.
I don't want to be forty something and wonder why in the world I didn't do anything else.

So, the search has begun. I am signing myself up for next fall semester and I pray that I can find a job that will meet both my salary and time requirements.
Then one day when Luka and my other future children are grown, they can look at me and use me as an example of what they should do with their own lives.

That is all, bye bye. :)