Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

Death does not come for me.
It sees me suffer, yet it does not care.
It would be so easy, to die, to not exist.
Death does not care, it mocks me.

Just the other day someone died right next to me.
Me? No, it mocks me. Death does not care.
I suffered, I pained, death eludes me.
My heart is ripped opened, I bleed, but not to death.
I fall into the blackness, it never ends, it never ends.
I fall but I don't care, I want to fall, I want to die.
Death does not care for my tears, it doesn't care for my pain, it mocks me.

Death does not care, it kills all around me,
death kills all around me and watches me bleed.
Depression, agony, perversion.
Death does not want me. I am nothing and it does not want me.
I've been chewed up and spit out, I have nothing.
My hands are empty, I reach but they are empty.
I burn from the inside, such a pain I've endured yet death does not pity me.
She laughs, she points, she smirks but she does not take me.
Take me, please take me, I beg you!
She laughs.
Death does not take me.

(Before anyone gets antsy, this is just a poem. I remembered something from my past and I got inspired, I am alright, I promise.)

Well, where do I start?
First of all the passports, they're done and the date has been set. We should be getting the passports in a month or so.
Why the passports? Well, we're traveling to Peru in the summer.
Baby and I are going to visit our family.
It's been so long since I was last there, 2006 to be exact. Things have changed so much and I'm a ball of nerves just thinking about it.
I mean, I get to see my mother and my sisters, that never changes, but I have more family now, my cousins both have children as well.
I've changed so much, I'm older, I think differently, I feel different. I'm less tolerant of B.S., so so much has changed.
There's also the fact that Luka has never been there. I don't know how he'll react to his first time on a plane, or how he'll feel when all of these strangers come towards him with loving embraces. Will he reject them? Will they feel offended?
I hope not.
There's is also the matter of Ronald's family, they are so big in numbers. We have to go see them too. Now everyone knows I'm not too fond of his mother's side, but his father's side are pretty cool.

Then there is the pain that always comes when I think of Peru.
My grandmother isn't there anymore.
No matter how many years go by, Peru just feels empty without her.
I have this fear of going to my house and looking at that front doorstep and crumble down in tears.
She's not there, and it's such a bittersweet feeling. Seeing my family, but it's not complete. She's gone.

Anyway, I guess there's still time to process everything, there's still time to get things together and give myself a chance to be prepared.
KK then, bye...

Well, let's start this off by saying that I will not talk about breastfeeding.
Well I might include something related to it, but it's ok, it's my blog. XD

Since I started to get to know makeup brands and started writing my beauty blog and whatnot, I made it a point to be able to recognize things right from the get go.
I can pretty much spot a fake once I get an initial look.
Then I started researching designer bags, not that I can afford a Louis Vuitton per say, but a girl can dream can't she?
Recently though, thanks to a very good facebook friend named Vienna, I was introduced to a brand called Coach.
It is a designer brand at an affordable price. I like how they look and how they feel and if you save up a little you can rack up a pretty collection in no time.
The downside to everything pretty and chic is that there will fakes out there. In lieu of this, I started to investigate how to spot a fake Coach bag. I was pretty surprised with the amount of information I found and by now I consider myself a connoisseur.

So why am I rambling on and on about this and that? Well I went on some Spanish forums, namely some from Peru and I saw people offering these extremely cheaply made fakes for sale. Now it would all be somewhat ok if they weren't offering them for crazy prices! They are practically selling them for about 60% of what an original would cost you. I felt outraged, I mean come on! Why, why would you rip people off like that.
Worse part is, the buyers believe it so much, they go on these forums and purchase those bags. So sad!
Same thing goes with the makeup, I saw some rolls of makeup brushes with about 15 brushes included and some cream shadow palettes from MAC.
O.M.G!

Anyway, moving on, I know I said I wouldn't talk about breastfeeding, but it's part of my life. The latest?
This blog post:
http://blog.theicecreamists.com/2011/03/262/
These people made some ice cream flavor called "Baby Gaga", guess whose milk they used? Human breastmilk!
I have to admit, I'm pretty skeptical to try someone else's boobie milk, but it makes sense! We drink cow milk, and cow milk is essentially breastmilk.
So why not consume something that was meant for us in the first place?
I agree with everything said in that post and I want to point fingers at the nay sayers for talking such nonsense and wanting this flavor to be banned.
How hypocritical can you be? You are willing to drink cow's milk, meant for a calf, but you won't consume human breastmilk because it came from a woman?

Me? I don't really drink any type of milk so I have an excuse to not try this flavor, not saying I won't, but I have my reasons, I don't really like milk. I do like ice cream though, so we'll see.

That's what Ronald calls me, the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding.
Let's rewind a little.
I have many passions, I love to dance, I like how it's so much fun and such a nice workout. I also love to read, I can become engrossed in a book so much so that hours seem to turn into minutes and before I know I've skipped both lunch and dinner.
I also love parenting, yeah, I love being a parent. I love knowing that I am molding a person, teaching him to be the best they can be, giving him values that he will carry for the rest of his life.
So with that kind of responsibility comes tough choices.
Crib or co-sleeping
breast or formula
home cooked or jarred food
private or public school
You get the picture, the list goes on and on and only you have the kind of power to make those decisions.

I chose to breastfeed my child, mainly because that's the only thing I knew. Where I come from, breastfeeding is the norm. It's as normal as using a spoon to eat soup or as normal as using your eyes to see. It's just the way it is. Formula is left for the mothers who truly, honest to God cannot breastfeed for health issues, orphans maybe, or for the wealthy kind who can actually afford it. The rest breastfeed because it's healthier and because their mothers taught them that it is the way to feed an infant.
So, I grew up with that, I saw my mother breastfeed my sisters, I saw it on the park when my neighbors went out, even saw it on the bus when strangers had no problem pulling up their breasts from out of their shirt and feed their child.
Nobody found it appalling, or disgusting, there wasn't a single person with a look of disgust or amazement. Yeah there were pervs who looked twice, but those same people would look at a young girl wearing tight pants if she was nearby.
My point is, I was brought up around this, this is what I wanted to do with my child and after gathering enough information about the benefits to both him and I, it seemed like the right choice.
So I breastfed, he grew so much so quickly. He is a healthy 19 month old who is smart in every way. Could he have been as smart had he not breastfed? Probably, but I was not willing to find out. I gave him the best and the best made him who he is.

So what's up with the title of this post? Well, even though Ronald is pro-me-breastfeeding, he could care less what others do with their children. Nonetheless, he sees me everyday checking blogs, going on facebook pages that talk about breastfeeding, preparing myself with witty comments to shoot back at people who make mean ones. He's seen it all coming from me, and he's also seen how passionate I am about this. Not only is he thrilled how big and beautiful has his son turned out to be, but he sees what it does to me. The weight loss, AMAZING!
He knows the benefits, but he would never become an advocate, he would never go out there and spread the word. I, on the other hand would. I do it all the time with family members and friends. Yeah they hear me, yes they agree to the benefits but sometimes I see that look on their face, the "When are you shutting up" look.
I think I push it too much but how can I not? Baby's lives are at steak! I'm not sure I can say it another way without getting into an argument about it, but, breast is the best possible thing you can give your child.
I'm not saying that formula is bad, no no no.
I look at it this way: If you had a healthy meal full of veggies and yummy nutritious things on one plate, and a not so healthy meal full of deep friend stuff with not so many nutritious things on another plate, which one would you eat? I mean both things are going to fill your tummy and yes you might get some of the good stuff from the deep fried ensemble, but you know deep down in your heart that the best possible option is the first one.
We as adults don't make the right choices when it comes to our bodies, but if the option to feed our babies lie between pure, healthy breastmilk and artificial milk that is constantly reformulated to imitate the real thing?
I think the answer is obvious, but for whatever reason we do not see that.

To end this long rant I want to say this, how you raise your kids is your business, you and only you have the right to decide how you're going to mold your kid.
All I want you to do is to truly make an informed decision, be it what you feed him/her or where they're going to sleep. You must investigate both sides before you choose, and if someone offers advise, do not turn them down from the get go just because you already choose. Information comes in different forms, and our friends and family sometimes can offer the best advise.
I got soooo much unwanted advice while pregnant and just after my baby was born. I didn't like most of it but I still took the time to listen because all of that time was a learning time for me. I wanted to know it all and take the best advise to heart and the bad advise as things I would never do.

So why does Ronald call me the Rosa Parks of breastfeeding? He says that I remind him of her, if I needed to sit on the bus and not get up until police to get me to actually make the world understand how important this issue is, I totally would have done it right there with Rosa Parks encouraging me.


XD

Awwww, love, what a wonderful thing.
Seeing couples holding hands while walking down the street. How about the ones that steal a kiss from one another when waiting in the checkout line at the supermarket.
Even more adorable are the teens who just stare at each other for the longest time without saying anything?

I think being affectionate to your significant other while in public is such a nice gesture. Not only is it mega cute, but doing it publicly is a great way to show that person that you are comfortable showing that you care about them and are not embarrassing of the world knowing it.
So what happens when a person is uncomfortable with that kind of PDA, should this person speak up? Should this person come over and say so discreetly?
Or should this person yell real loud and embarrass the couple?

Well the story goes like this:
I was shopping with baby Luka, younger sister and her bf, waiting to get on the line for the Ferris wheel. They were together, facing each-other while I looked into the sweet nothing to give them some "space". Suddenly I hear a woman screaming, she starts babbling something and I catch the words "get a room!"
I turn around to look and I see her starting at my sister and sweetheart. The first thought in my head was WTF?!
Sure this lady couldn't be referring to them, what had they done? At that moment I didn't care, I wasn't going to stand there while this lady kept screaming at them.
I instantly snapped and said "Excuse me, that is my little sister, you do NOT talk to her like that! If you have something to say to her you look for her parents and talk to them!"
My "little" sister is an adult but she could so pass for a child, still, nobody has the right to embarrass anyone that way, especially not my sister. This lady looks at me and says that this was a kids store and they shouldn't be making out.
Well that may be true (they weren't making out btw.), but you cannot go around yelling at people because you feel like it.
The more appropriate way to approach things would be to come up to them and tell them in a very subtle manner that their behavior (appropriate or not) was making her uncomfortable and that they should take down a notch.
No, she decided it was better to scream out loud for everyone to hear, drawing even more attention to the situation.
Clearly my poor sister was somewhat affected, they both didn't say anything, not that they had to, but this lady wasn't just going to get off easy. She proceeded to tell me that I should talk to them about it, I told her I would but she better back off.
I wanted to bite her head off!
I pulled the youngsters to the side and asked them about what happened.
Right from the bat I knew they weren't making out as she accused but I still wanted to know what had triggered that reaction from her. They told me they were just being cute.
What does being cute mean to them? Well I take it as just being all lovey dovey with each-other. I didn't push the matter because I know well enough they wouldn't do anything like that in public let alone in kids store with her older sister and little nephew staring.

Now this may just be me, but am I alone in thinking that this person over reacted?
Had she the right to comport the way she did. I was uncomfortable with the way she dressed and the way her face looked, but I didn't announce it allowed and embarrass her saying it now did I?

By the way, this is the same lady who refused to get off the line to ride the Ferris wheel even though her ticket said 8:00 pm when the only people on line should be the ones holding the 7:40 pm tickets.
Sheesh, what a trouble maker!

I hate writing about people who hurt me. I hate having to waste my precious minutes talking about and venting on said person has done to me.
Sadly, I know no other way to release the anger than by writing about it.
Who is to blame today?
A woman...
Yes, it is a woman. I won't go into specifics, most people close to me already know who I'm talking about so there is no need.

What I'm about to say applies to everyone so in some way I guess you'll still find it interesting even though you may not know the name of this woman.

A lot of people command respect, they want to be treated like with dignity and well respect. First of all, you must earn respect if you really want it. How does one earn respect? Well you start by respecting others. "Do onto others as you would have others do unto you." Wise words. You don't have to like me, but if you want me to treat you as a respectable human being, you need to show me that you can do the same for me, otherwise you aren't worth my time and I will discard you as an annoying little pebble in my shoe.

I'm not all sugar and spice and everything nice as some people believe. Well of course I'm not mean to you, you're my friend (or brother, sister, mother, cousin..), I would never treat you bad. For those of you who have experienced this side of me know very well that I can hold a grudge forever, and it is very difficult to get me to the point of even consider holding a grudge against them so you know their crime must have been big.

Second point, I'm a smart girl, if I'm told I'm doing something wrong and needs to be fixed, I will most likely change my ways and fix the situation. Now if you're just getting pissed off day by day and don't say a word then there is no way I'm going to know I'm doing something bad! I'm not psychic, well not anymore at least...
Communication is key in all relationships. Be it with your spouse, or with your co-workers, no matter how embarrassing or tedious a conversation may be, letting know other people how you feel is very important to be able to co-exist!

Last point, don't talk behind my back, please, just don't!
I know a lot of people say that they rather a person come to them face to face and say what they need to say to them. A lot of people don't really mean it, because once this is done they go berserk! I won't, I promise. Please, curse at me, tell me I stink, or tell me my freakishly index toe is much too long for your comfort, whatever it is, just say it in my face. Don't go around telling other people how I'm "this" and "that", eventually I'll find out about it and be really angry. *makes angry face*

So what's the moral of this post? Don't freaking mess with me!
I am dead serious!
If you suddenly feel that I've drifted away, that you no longer have access to my Facebook wall, or that I no longer attempt any kind of communication with you, think about what the heck you did to piss me off!
I don't want to be a bitch myself, but a girl can only take so much, my granny taught me tolerance, but if you looked up "most scariest bitch ever" on google, you'll probably find her picture. Yeah, she was crazy like that.

Ok then, thanks for reading, and please don't be scared for me now, I'm not all bad, if you're reading this, it means that you're still part of my life, so you're safe, for now....
:)

I see you and my heart beats faster.
It escapes.
I see you, you see me. I feel love.
In my eyes, a reflection of you, of me, together.

I get lost in these thoughts, I think about the future, our future.
Time is lost, it's just you and me. Love is here.

I fell in love. Love me, love me.