Sunday, June 16, 2013
Most holidays are a cause of celebration. People get together, they give each other gifts, sometimes a cake is involved...
There is a holiday in June, that I rarely celebrated when I was little, Father's day.
The only father I ever knew when I was a young child, was my grand-father.
Yes, I had a biological father, but he wasn't around much.
So, my dear grand-father was the daddy figure in my life and he was amazing.
He was the kind of father that loved with all his heart and was never afraid to show it.
He was the kind of father who would cook, do house chores and also do "manly" things like fix the house.
He was a carpenter, a shoe-maker, a plumber, a painter and many more things.
So one could understand why a six year old girl would experience total despair when said grand-father passed away. Right?
My father-daughter experience was short lived. I would never know that kind love again until I was older, much, much older.
Fast-forward a few years and I find myself traveling to a new country to meet my biological father. Sure, I had met him before but nothing important enough to leave a lasting memory of him.
He had a wife and three kids
You can imagine the joy a little nine year old girl might feel at the thought of having a daddy in her life. I was both nervous and excited.
My expectations were met short.
I don't want to get into too many details because this is not a post about him, but Take Two of my father-daughter experience was not a good one.
It was so bad in fact, that I decided men in general were no good.
Growing up I treated men with little respect. All of them were toys for me to play with and discard at my will.
Needless to say, I had a lot of "boyfriends" who came and went like nothing.
I vowed that I would never raise children with a man. I would get pregnant by some random stranger and raise my kid on my own. No man could be trusted, no man was good enough to be part of my family.
That all changed when I met my husband.
The circumstances under which we met were not common. The trials and tribulations we went through were right out of a movie. The love wasn't there from the start. Nobody would have thought that him and I would be a couple. I didn't even believe it, but it happened and we fell in love.
I didn't trust him completely, I had my issues with him, he was a man after all and men could not be trusted.
Still, being with him gave my heart peace. Being in his arms gave my soul a chance to rest, to stop running.
I started to sprout roots and settle in. I started to feel at home.
Right before and immediately after my son was born, I had my doubts. I was going to raise a child with a man and that scared me.
I shouldn't have been scared though. I had nothing to fear.
This man ultimately taught me what it is to be a daddy, and for that reason, this letter is to him.
If I could go back in time right now to the day my son was born, I would tell myself that everything would be alright. I finally found our daddy and our happy ending had begun.
There is a holiday in June, that I rarely celebrated when I was little, Father's day.
The only father I ever knew when I was a young child, was my grand-father.
Yes, I had a biological father, but he wasn't around much.
So, my dear grand-father was the daddy figure in my life and he was amazing.
He was the kind of father that loved with all his heart and was never afraid to show it.
He was the kind of father who would cook, do house chores and also do "manly" things like fix the house.
He was a carpenter, a shoe-maker, a plumber, a painter and many more things.
So one could understand why a six year old girl would experience total despair when said grand-father passed away. Right?
My father-daughter experience was short lived. I would never know that kind love again until I was older, much, much older.
Fast-forward a few years and I find myself traveling to a new country to meet my biological father. Sure, I had met him before but nothing important enough to leave a lasting memory of him.
He had a wife and three kids
You can imagine the joy a little nine year old girl might feel at the thought of having a daddy in her life. I was both nervous and excited.
My expectations were met short.
I don't want to get into too many details because this is not a post about him, but Take Two of my father-daughter experience was not a good one.
It was so bad in fact, that I decided men in general were no good.
Growing up I treated men with little respect. All of them were toys for me to play with and discard at my will.
Needless to say, I had a lot of "boyfriends" who came and went like nothing.
I vowed that I would never raise children with a man. I would get pregnant by some random stranger and raise my kid on my own. No man could be trusted, no man was good enough to be part of my family.
That all changed when I met my husband.
The circumstances under which we met were not common. The trials and tribulations we went through were right out of a movie. The love wasn't there from the start. Nobody would have thought that him and I would be a couple. I didn't even believe it, but it happened and we fell in love.
I didn't trust him completely, I had my issues with him, he was a man after all and men could not be trusted.
Still, being with him gave my heart peace. Being in his arms gave my soul a chance to rest, to stop running.
I started to sprout roots and settle in. I started to feel at home.
Right before and immediately after my son was born, I had my doubts. I was going to raise a child with a man and that scared me.
I shouldn't have been scared though. I had nothing to fear.
This man ultimately taught me what it is to be a daddy, and for that reason, this letter is to him.
To a father,
Thank you for loving me, thank you for giving me a space in your heart. Thank you for allowing me to hurt and to heal and thank you for being there to hold my hand while I did it. I love you more than any blog post can express. You are my Prince in yellow shiny armor.
Although you are not my father, you did teach me the kind of love a father is capable of. Thank you for being there when our son was born. Thank you for encouraging me to push harder when I had nothing left in me. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you for cuddling him when he cried. Thank you for all the pooppy diapers you changed, I hated those. Thank you for staying up late at night rocking him to sleep when I was so exhausted to do it myself. Thank you for kissing our son's boo boos away. Thank you for reading him Dr. Seuss books in full character voices. Thank you for missing us so much when we go to Peru. We miss you too when we are away from you. Thank you for being our rock, our stability, our safe heaven. Thank you for being all the things the others weren't. Thank you for showing me what a real family looks like. Thank you for showing me love, pure and unconditional. Thank you so much for allowing me to grow into myself and giving me time to love you. Thank you for every single little thing you do. You have no idea how much it means to me to feel like I belong somewhere. Thank you so much for giving me my fairy-tale ending. Thank you a million times for being in my life.
I learned from you that men can be real daddy's if they really wanted to. I finally met a man who could fill my grand-father's shoes and exceed my expectations. Our son is blessed to have you as a father.
Thank you.
If I could go back in time right now to the day my son was born, I would tell myself that everything would be alright. I finally found our daddy and our happy ending had begun.
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