Nachi's pointless rants and recollections

Super long blog post. Beware!

The first time I got pregnant, everything was new. I did so much research, I started to feel like a pregnancy resource database. I had so many question, so many concerns, I'm sure I drove my husband crazy with it all.
In the end though, everything turned out good. All of my research paid off. All the knowledge eased my mind and I had a nice, healthy pregnancy and birth.

This time around things feel different. My pregnancy seems to be going well and overall both baby and I are healthy. The difference is, that this time I feel more confident in my body to do what needs to be done to carry this baby without any type of intervention.

I should explain more.
A few years ago, I decided that if and when I got pregnant again, I wanted things to be slightly different.
If possible, I wanted a home birth. I didn't want any type of medication including labor inducing ones.
Don't get me wrong, the clinic I went to never forced me to do anything I didn't want.
They waited for pap smears or exams if I wasn't comfortable with them. They listened to me and my concerns as well.
Sadly, at the hospital where I gave birth doesn't exactly have the same policies.
Even though my birthing experience was beautiful, there are things that I would have done differently.
When you're in intense pain sometimes your judgement gets clouded. You just want labor to be over and you just want to push that baby out ASAP.
After the fact, I feel like I would have omitted certain things and this time around I will be more adamant about what my labor experience should be like.

So what am I trying to get at?
Well, I'm refusing tests and exams that I don't feel like are necessary.
For example, on my first actual visit with my Dr., I refused a pelvic exam and a pap smear because I felt it was too early in my pregnancy.
Yes, I'm sure they are safe during pregnancy, but when you get either of those sometimes there is bleeding.
Now, if you combine bleeding with the fact that my pregnancy is still very early, it just adds stress.
I'm more concerned with what stress will do to my body than what the actual tests are going to do for me.

Another example would be ultrasounds.
Because my clinic is so small, ultrasounds are done at the different facility.
Even though they are the same health company, the techs at the other location are horrible.
They are cold, entitled and sometimes rude.
I'm not saying that all of them are, but the times I've been there, I've felt like I was just a job to them and my feelings didn't matter.
Now, I don't care what profession you are in, if you work with people, you should be able to at least pretend to be nice to them.
I had a scheduled ultrasound for a day where I didn't have anyone to watch my son.
Now, the ultrasound place does not allow children under the age of 5 unless they are accompanied by another adult.
I called the ultrasound place and asked if they could give me a day when my husband was able to come with us and watch my son. I was granted the request and we went to our appointment.
We waited for an hour before we were called. When they called us, the tech asked us the age of my son.
I told her that he was 3 and she refused to let him in. I explained that I had brought my husband with us so he could watch him while the ultrasound was being done. She refused and told us they could wait in the waiting room. By then I was already pissed. Waiting for an hour had already made my mood sour, not to mention, my son was getting tired too. I told her that I would not have the ultrasound done and she suggested I re-schedule. I told her that wasn't possible since my husband wouldn't have a day off for a while and she kept pushing for me to have the ultrasound done without them.
I refused again and told them I would just go home and later figured it out.
She then informed me that no other ultrasound place within their network would allow my son to be in the room.
That pushed me over the edge. I told her it was fine and that I wouldn't have an ultrasound done.

Now, before you start judging me, I should say that I had already thought about not having any ultrasounds done. I only agreed to this one because I wanted to share the moment with my family. Since it was not possible, it just made my decision to not have any at all much simpler.
I got home later that day and started doing some research on people refusing ultrasounds.
Some people cited websites of research that have been done regarding the risk of unnecessary ultrasounds.
Others thought it was crazy to forgo them.
I mean, why would you NOT want to have them right?
Well, this might sound crazy but I don't feel like I need them.
Sure I would like to have one eventually, maybe right before the baby is born?
I don't know, but I don't feel like I need one.

The ultrasound I refused was to confirm viability and to confirm due date.
First of all, I am 100% of my menstrual dates because I have been recording them for two years now.
Second of all, now that I am 19 weeks pregnant, I know for sure my baby is viable.
At 14 weeks, which is when my ultrasound was to be done, it's too early to do anything about a miscarriage. So if my baby wasn't viable, nature would take its course and that would be the last of that.

Now, the second ultrasound which is usually done around 20 weeks is an anatomy scan. Basically, they measure the size of baby and whatnot. Again, I fail to see how that is going to help me. My baby isn't technically a baby until 24 weeks. If and when something happened to me before 24 weeks and I went into labor, they wouldn't try to save the baby anyhow because in medical terms "it isn't viable yet."
I also never understood why measurements mattered so much at this time. Babies grow at different intervals. My baby in womb maybe a little small right now, but who is to say that he/she will not get bigger by the end of it?
I'm also against any genetic tests. My decision to keep my baby would not change if they found out I had markers for down syndrome or anything like that. So those types of tests would be irrelevant in my case, it would only cause me stress and again, we all know how I feel about that.

I'm rambling now, but you get the point. I just don't want all of this done to me. If I could afford it, I would just pay a midwife to come to my house for my regular check-ups and just give birth in the bathtub.
I'm not kidding, I rather just do it at home without the medical interventions.
Ronald doesn't agree.
He much rather drag me to a hospital when the time comes and tie me to the bed until that baby is born.
Of course he would never do that, he respects my decisions and as much as it bothers him, he will never try to persuade me from what I feel is right.

I have an appointment for the 17th and yes, I will be going to that.
I might refuse the pap and the pelvic exam once again.
With my first pregnancy, I refused it until my very last appointment and my doctor was fine with that.
I'm a healthy person who doesn't smoke, I used to drink casually at home with dinner every once in a while. I have never done drugs. I have never contracted an STD and neither has my husband.
I did allow them to do an HIV test because sex is not the only way to get it and it's nice to be sure.
But again, there is no medical reason for me to allow anything else if there are no indications I may be sick.

So yes, I guess I am a little crazy for just trusting in myself and my ability to do this without all the medical hoo-ha that is usually involved.
But I trust myself and my intuition and I know that if anything feels wrong, I will promptly seek medical help without delay.